Perfumed Secrets | Kurt Cobain

Confusion in her eyes that says it all

"You seem anxious," her coworker noticed Faye impatiently glancing at her watch. "Got plans for later?"

"Yeah, I still have to make it to Olympia tonight." It was a Saturday, and despite being stuck at work, Kurt was performing that night, adding an extra layer to her day.

"Go, I can cover for you." the coworker offered.

"Really? Thank you so much," she rushed to the back room to grab her things. She hurriedly untied her ponytail and stuffed her belongings into her bag. "You really saved me here."

"That's fine," he called out as she headed for the door.

She hailed a cab to the bus station without a second thought. As she boarded the next bus to Olympia, the trip seemed to pass in a vivid dream. She felt a blend of rush and anxiety gnawing at her stomach—a strange, almost guilty feeling she couldn't get rid off, an undercurrent of unease that she couldn't quite name.

Things had been off between the two of them since their last argument, and Faye felt increasingly alienated over the past few weeks. Their conversations over the phone were rare and, when they did happen, felt distant. Almost diplomatic. They seemed to have silently agreed not to pry into each other's lives, avoiding questions that might lead to uncomfortable truths.

Her academic performance was slipping each passing day. She missed a few important deadlines and bombed a midterm, the first big red flag. Her professors noticed her waning participation, and a couple had even suggested she consider lightening her course load if she couldn't keep up. But it wasn't just the workload—Faye had started picking up extra shifts, trying to earn a bit more money. The hours were long, and juggling work and school left her exhausted.

She hadn't stopped taking the pills, either. If anything, she relied on them more, not just to cope with the stress but also to keep up with everything. After exhausting her initial prescription, Faye discovered a small pharmacy where she managed to get them without much hassle. The pharmacist was lenient, not asking too many questions as long as she paid in cash. It wasn't a perfect solution, but it kept her going, and she convinced herself she needed them to function.

In reality, they numbed her to the growing discontent she felt about her life. The combination of her deteriorating academic attainment, financial strain, and the emotional distance from Kurt was becoming too much. The pills made it easier to ignore the situation rather than face it. 

She took a few tablets as soon as she boarded, hoping to calm down for a bit, but her thoughts spun wildly, settling on Kurt and the chaotic whirl of emotions he stirred in her. It was as if everything else faded into the background, but the unresolved feelings were persistent. She barely registered the journey until the bus came to a stop. Snapped back to Earth, she found herself in a cab again, heading to the venue where she would finally see him and face it for good. She took a few extra tablets on her way.

Reality hit her like lightning. Faye stood outside the address Kurt had given her, paralyzed for a moment. The sounds of the place buzzed around her, merging with the murmur of voices and laughter from the people standing nearby on the sidewalk.

Taking a deep breath, she finally pushed herself forward, stepping into the dimly lit venue. The air was thick with smoke and the scent of beer. She scanned the room, searching for any sign of Kurt. Feeling a bit out of place, she made her way to the bar and ordered a vodka tonic. The sharp, cold drink helped steady her nerves as she continued to look around.

Finally, she spotted Kurt in a corner, talking to Dave and a couple of other guys. They seemed deep in conversation, and Faye hesitated. She didn't want to interrupt, and there was also a small, nagging voice in her head that wondered if she even belonged here.