Perfumed Secrets | Kurt Cobain

I can't think cause I'm just way too tired

Each day was a battle to maintain a facade of normalcy, but the cracks were beginning to show. Faye managed to get more pills with Kurt the last time she was in Olympia and had started to rely heavily on them. Initially, they were just for nighttime use, but now, she was needing them during her shifts. The pills took longer to take effect, so she started taking them earlier, just to get through the evening.

The impact on her life was undeniable. She had begun missing morning classes, too exhausted to wake up on time and she had started skipping meals after lunch so it would kick in faster. This had begun to take a toll on her body, making her extra tired and weak.

Running out of it even faster this time, Faye realized she would have to deal with this on her own, especially if she wanted to keep things cool with Kurt. She knew she was spiraling, but couldn't afford to let anyone else see it. She had to find a way to keep it all together, at least from the outside looking in.

"Is everything alright?" Amy asked, watching Faye flip through the telephone list with urgency.

"Yeah," she replied, keeping her eyes on the pages. "I just need to find a doctor."

"Oh, really? Are you not feeling well?" 

"I guess you could say that," Faye jotted down a few numbers. "I'm okay, though. I just need to make an appointment."

Amy's brow furrowed as she watched her. "You sure you're okay? You've been looking really tired lately, and you've missed a few classes."

She snapped her head up, irritation flaring. "I said I'm fine, Amy. It's only a check-up."

The friend nodded slowly, not entirely convinced. "Okay. Take care of yourself, alright?"

"Will do," she muttered, her eyes returning to the list. "Just need to get through this."

Faye scheduled an appointment with a general doctor, her only criteria being whoever had the earliest available slot. Three days without the pills and she was already going mad. Her mind was foggy, and she couldn't sleep properly, the exhaustion making everything feel like an uphill battle. She felt her patience wearing thin, the smallest things setting her off. On Tuesday, she even missed all her classes, desperately trying to rest enough to make it through the shift later.

When Wednesday arrived, she didn't make it to the university that morning. Instead, she made her way to her appointment. Sitting in the waiting room, her foot tapped nervously against the linoleum floor, hoping her story would be convincing enough to get what she needed.

The doctor, a middle-aged man, gestured for Faye to sit. "What brings you in today?" he asked, glancing over his desk. 

"I've been having trouble sleeping," she began, trying to keep her voice steady. "It's been affecting my work and school. I was prescribed something before, but I ran out, and I really need to get back on track."

"What were you prescribed?"

"Clonazepam," she replied, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. "It really helped me sleep."

He raised an eyebrow. "That's a pretty strong medication. Have you tried anything else?"

"Yeah," Faye lied. "Nothing else worked. I just need to sleep, or I'm going to fail my classes and lose my job."

The doctor sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I can give you a small prescription, but you need to follow up with a specialist. Clonazepam is not a long-term solution."

She nodded eagerly. "Thank you. I'll follow up."

With the prescription in hand, Faye felt relief and euphoria take over her body. As soon as she left the clinic, she headed straight to the pharmacy, her anxiety slowly easing.