Perfumed Secrets | Kurt Cobain

Baby, don't do it

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Faye wiped the steam from the glass as she tousled her damp hair. She went back into the room, curtains drawn to keep out the harsh sunlight. She moved slowly, like she had all the time in the world, though there was a faint unease feeling beneath her calm exterior.

Kurt stirred on the bed behind her. "You coming? I have to head out soon." His voice was groggy, thick with the remnants of last night's haze.

She glanced over her shoulder, her towel still wrapped around her. "Nah, I think I'll give you guys your space today. You need to focus."

"You sure?" he asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah," she insisted. "I kind of want to explore the city anyway. Get lost for a while." She smiled, but the plan already felt hollow.

Kurt shrugged and began dressing. "Be careful, alright? I'll be back later." He kissed her briefly, his lips soft against her cheek before heading out the door with a mumbled goodbye.

The idea of exploring LA had flickered in her mind for all of two seconds before fading completely. Instead, her eyes wandered over to the bedside table, where Kurt had carelessly left his stash. She sat down on the edge of the bed, staring at it. She wasn't going anywhere today. LA could wait. The world outside felt too big, too real. Here, in the quiet of the room, time didn't matter. Responsibilities didn't matter. Her hands trembled slightly as she grabbed the bag, fingers brushing over its contents. Faye flirted with the idea of shooting up, but she had no idea how to do it whatsoever. She fumbled with the paraphernalia for a moment before finally giving up.

"I'll stick to what I know," she muttered to herself.

She tore off a small amount of the powder and spread it out, grabbing one of the stray dollar bills lying around. Rolling it tightly between her fingers, she leaned down and snorted the line in one smooth motion. She had to do another two to feel anything. The TV buzzed in the background, casting a flickering light across the room as she sank into the bed. MTV was playing some random videos, the kind that blended into one another, all swirling together in a haze that matched the fog in her head. She didn't care what was on, it was just noise, something to fill the silence.

Her eyes half-opened, then closed again, nodding off briefly before snapping back awake. She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there, her body felt light but heavy all at once, like she was stuck in a slow-motion loop. Only the thrum of the sound and the dull glow of the screen anchored her to reality. Faye sat up slightly, her head lolling to the side, eyes darting to the stash, calling her back. Her fingers moved almost on autopilot. The bill was still crumpled in her hand, now slick with sweat.

Her thoughts began to drift in and out like a broken signal. MTV was still on, a music video blurring into a commercial. She tried to focus on the screen, but the images didn't stick. They came and went, nothing holding her attention for more than a second. Her eyes fluttered shut, her head slumping forward before jerking back up. She blinked, trying to shake off the drowsiness, but her body was too far gone. She reached to the bedside table and blindly fumbled for the pack of cigarettes, eventually pulling one out.

She lit it, inhaling deeply, the sharp sting of smoke blending with the chemical fog in her lungs. It felt grounding, pulling her back just enough from the numb abyss to let her focus on something—anything. She stared at the glowing tip, watching the smoke in the air mixing with the faint glow from the TV. She concluded that, while she still felt some effects (particularly a bit of nausea), it wasn't as great as before. She just wasn't feeling it anymore. It would never be the same, especially now that she had experienced the other way. She concluded that snorting was a total waste, but there was so much she could do about that. She decided to have a few of the pills she had left. If she couldn't enhance the high, at least it would make her sleepy.