TW: Depictions of self harm, suicide ideation, and mention of character death.
April 5th, 2003
Lizzie:
I was at the bridge again.
It had been three years since my sister had taken her own life, by jumping off of this very bridge, and ending not only her life but mine as well.
I wish she had taken me with her, she knew I couldn't live without her, and yet she left me here. I hated her for it, for leaving me in our haunted house. Leaving me to deal with her loss. To deal with the pity of everyone around me.
If she had woken me up that night and told me her plans, I would have followed her. But she was selfish and left me and I would never forgive her.
I was trapped here, I felt like I was watching my life happen around me and I wanted it all to stop, for the noise to just stop.
The wind whipped at my face and I dug my nails into my skin, forming crescents in my palms in an attempt to feel something, anything.
"Why?" I yell at the rushing lake, it keeps going by me, not bothering to stop, everything and everyone in my life leaves me and deep down I know that I deserve it.
"How could you leave me?" I scream, it was a secluded area and I honestly wasn't concerned if anyone heard me, I didn't have it in me to care.
I picked up a stick from the ground and pressed it into my wrist and watched the blood pool, and yet I still don't feel anything.
It had been three years and it hadn't got any better, everyone told me to move on, but I could never betray her like she betrayed me.
Therapists, doctors, my parents, and Hugh all told me it would get easier, feeding me some bullshit lie that "time heals" but it fucking doesn't, it just makes people forget and I refuse to forget my sister.
I could sometimes feel myself forgetting the exact shade of blue of her eyes or how her blonde hair shined, or how she smiled and it kills me. I'm dying.
Physically Caoimhe left me here, mentally she had taken me with her. She had left two corpses behind on this plane of existence, except I was still breathing.
Thanks for reading! This was a really heavy chapter sorry. - H <3
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