Seeing You - Boys of Tommen

Afterthought

January 8th, 2005

Katie:

I definitely hadn't expected I would be spending the best part of my night in a car singing with Patrick Feely.

He had an amazing voice, I had heard from his friends about it, but it was different than I expected. He had this captivating deep voice, that you could get lost in. I had been nervous to sing in front of him when he asked, but when we sang together it didn't feel like some awkward performance, it was something else entirely. It was oddly exhilarating, the way our voices blended together. 

I was my own harshest critic, I was never able to accept any praise for my singing or piano. But with Patrick singing with me, I could recognize my own talent. We sounded great together.

I found myself dreading going back to the party, I knew I had to, I couldn't just leave Aoife alone. And Patrick would no doubt want to get back to the party, I had already inconvenienced him so much by forcing him to leave in the middle of it. 

"Thanks so much for driving, I don't know what I would have done." I say, honestly. 

"Hugh could've taken Casey." Patrick replies. But we both knew why I hadn't bothered him with it. "Uh.."

"Yeah?"

"Forget it."

"Okay..." I say confused and seriously wondering what he was about to say. "Thanks." We both wordlessly exit his car, and walk back into the party. The music is still blaring and Aoife looks volatile sitting in a corner, avoiding Joey. 

I dance with Aoife, for a while trying to make her feel better. Aoife and Joey couldn't keep their eyes off of each other and I watched girl after girl make a pass at Joey and without fail Joey didn't give any of them a second glance. I told her as much and encouraged her to go over and talk to him. 

I figured hyping her up would be the best approach, "Go on, you're Aoife Molloy. Since when did you start letting a boy call the shots in your life?"

"I don't" she didn't sound too sure, but then she repeated it again and I think she was starting to remember how great she was.

"Exactly, so, go on over there and claim that incredibly sexy and incredibly scary boyfriend of yours before any more girls try to snatch him up." 

"Damn straight I will." She replies, and I feel like I've done my job as a friend. 

But Aoife catches me off guard with her next observation, "but you'd better take your own advice and come with me because that moody-looking pal of Shannon's is looking like she wants to eat that posh boy of yours up."

I'm immediately defensive, 'Who Lizzie?" I try to sound unaffected like I hadn't noticed how the two of them had spent most of the night together. How I had spent more time with Patrick than my own boyfriend. How he didn't even notice when I left. "No way. She's just in their super-elite inner circle at school. She's just a friend."

I know I'm overcompensating, but I'd be so embarrassed if Aoife knew, how I allowed Hugh to treat me. I only wanted her to see the good Hugh.

Because when Hugh was good, he was so good. He was attentive and I felt like the only girl in the room. But when he wasn't I felt like the first piece of his life to get dropped. Like I was an afterthought.  I couldn't imagine he would ever even consider dropping Lizzie, or not always being his first thought.

Aoife wouldn't understand not believing that you were inherently deserving of love and affection and stability. She would say I shouldn't accept anything less, but I wasn't her and I didn't deserve the kind of devotion that Joey had for her. 

"Uh-huh. Rule one, my innocent little neighbour. Never trust a girl who looks like that around a boy who looks like that."

I knew she didn't mean to insult me, but I couldn't help but take it as me not being able to keep Hugh interested. That I had to watch him, to make sure he didn't cheat. Like it was my job to make sure he stayed loyal, not his. It hurt to hear her say it, even though I believed all of my worst feelings about myself, I still liked to cling onto some piece of hope that it was all in my head. 

I immediately walked over to Hugh, and watched more of the drama unfold. Lizzie tried to clear the air, but Aoife continued to give her a hard time. But I think it was more to punish Joey for his recent behaviour. 

I noticed how Hugh tensed up when Lizzie was confronting her, and how he physically relaxed when Aoife switched to speaking with Joey and his friends. I knew some of them, as we all lived in a similar area.

Joey's best friend Podge walked right up to me, "You're looking well Katie, all grown up."

"Thanks Podge."

"What year are you in now?"

"Fourth."

Hugh, suddenly remembering I exist, interjects, "I'm Hugh."

"Do you go to Tommen together?" Podge asks.

I just nod, and Hugh just glares at him. 

"How's it like on the other side, Red?" Joey called me that nickname sometimes, he thought he was slick but I knew it was because he struggled to remember my name. I guess Podge picked it up from him. 

"It's good."

"Are you still too good to slum it with us regular folk?"

Before, I can answer Hugh speaks up, "Why are you still talking to my girlfriend?"

Podge looks between us and then to Lizzie, "Oh... Sorry, I thought...." He just shakes his head, "Nevermind, it was nice seeing you Katie."

"You too." I respond and he gives me a sympathetic look and I want to die in the middle of this party. 

"What was that about?" Hugh asked, pulling me into one of the empty side rooms.

"What?"

"That lad, trying to get with you right in front of me?"

"He was not trying to get me with me, Hugh." I say defensively, "He's an old friend, and he didn't know we were together."

"You could have stopped him."

I feel so done, "I guess I could have."

Thanks for reading! - H <3