Seeing You - Boys of Tommen

Long Walks

May 31st, 2005

Lizzie:

I finally managed to stop crying, and I followed Patrick through the woods. He just remained silent and I felt unnerved.

"Aren't you going to say something?" I ask.

"Is there something you want me to ask you?"

"No, I just...um thanks for back there."

"Mhmm" he shrugged. 

"Why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Defend me."

"They were being bloody hypocrites and it would have ruined the whole trip, if they kept yelling at you."

"I really didn't meant to... push him." It was the truth, one second I was so angry and screaming at him, and then he was in the water.

"I know."

"How do you know?" I ask curiously.

"I've known you a long time, Liz."

"So?"

"You didn't mean to push him."

"You've known me as long as Hugh has." I say, most hurt at his reaction, his utter distain for me in that moment. 

"I'm not Hugh."

"You mean you're not a hypocrite?" I ask, trying to understand him.

"No, I mean that I don't know you like he does." Right, Feely hasn't had to deal with my bullshit for as long.

"Do you think they'll forgive me?" I ask sheepishly. 

"Yeah."

"Really?" I ask, I usually like Feely's lack of chit chat but right now it's driving me crazy.

I guess he picks up on it, "Shannon's already forgiven you, so you've got her and Johnny, Gibsie will pretend nothing happened and Claire will follow his lead, and Hugh will always forgive you."

"It sure didn't look like it, Hugh looked at me like he hated me."

"Love and hate aren't opposites." Damn, he was deeper than I thought.

"What about you and Katie?"

For the first time since we started walking, he looks surprised, "What about me and Katie?"

"Will you forgive me?"

He looks relieved for some reason, "you don't need my forgiveness, Liz."

"What about Katie?" I push, I didn't care what she thought, but it felt like he was avoiding her as a topic. I was also curious if he knew more about that stuff she was talking about with Bella. 

"I don't know."

"You have everyone else, figured out, but not little Katie?" I prod.

"I'd guess she'll be fine."

"I doubt it."

He looks interested, "why?"

"I upset the little princess earlier during the car ride."

'What did you do?" He asked and unlike after everything with Gibsie, he actually looks annoyed, interesting.

"Pierce told me something, I asked her if it was true."

He froze, "fuck, Liz. Please tell me it wasn't that god awful rumour."

"Is it a rumour?" I ask.

"Of course." He bristled.

"Did, she ever tell you about why she pulled away from you and Johnny and...." I feel too guilty to say his name. But I feel more in control now that I'm inflicting indirect pain onto Katie. I know my coping mechanisms are horrid but they're all I have.

Patrick stops walking, "what are you talking about?" he all but demands.

"Oh.." I say feigning innocence, "she probably wanted to keep it quiet, I shouldn't say."

His calm demeanour is finally shifting, "Liz, I just defended you to all of them, and then you're already pulling this shit?"

"You can ask her if you want."

"She won't tell me." He responds , and my curiosity is piked once again.

"Why do you say that?"

He stiffens, "we don't really talk."

"Oh...well then, she didn't really get into it but, she said something about Bella Wilkinson."

We finished the rest of our walk in silence, but I could feel the tension rolling off of him. 

When we returned, everyone was much calmer and we had a good time, we sat around the campfire and listened to Feely play his guitar and we all sung and drank. 

I think everyone except for Feely and little Katie were plastered, and we all slowly went back to our tents. 

I could hardly stay with Claire, and Gibsie climbed into her tent anyway. Feely gave me his tent and insisted he would be fine outside and dragged his sleeping bag to near the camp fire. I tried to argue, that it would be fine for us to share a tent, but he would relent so I gave up.

Thanks for reading  - H <3