Seeing You - Boys of Tommen

You Deserve Better, No I Don't

May 31st, 2005

Katie:

I was exhausted from the whole day, it seemed that everything Lizzie touched turned to chaos and despair. I had witnessed Liz insult, argue, and scream at anything with a pulse, but I never thought she was capable of pushing Gibsie into a river. We all knew his history and yet she still did it.

I could tell she was sorry, and didn't mean to do it, but I couldn't exactly empathize. I couldn't imagine being half as angry as she was to do what she did. Patrick, defended her and I was glad she had someone on her side, even if I was struggling to find it within me to actually believe that she deserved it. 

She made Hugh crazy, and he had been on edge ever since the incident with Gibsie. I had never heard him talk to Lizzie that way, but it didn't make me feel any better. It felt like it had been building for a long time and this wasn't the peak.

We had been sitting around the campfire for hours and we were all starting to go to our tents, I had to basically drag Hugh. He was absolutely hammered, slurring his words and basically unable to walk. I hated when he got like this, I knew it had a direct correlation to a certain violent Blonde. 

"You take such good care of me" Hugh slurred as we entered our tent, and I started taking his shoes off. "Why aren't you smiling?"

"What?" I ask taking his clothes off.

"You look sad."

"I'm fine, just tired." That answer seemed to appease him and he was quiet for a few minutes.

I changed into my pajamas and laid down beside him, he started lazily kissing me. His eyes were droopy and closed and he had his hands in my hair and he peppered kisses along my neck and up to my face. 

He started slurring and mumbling, pulling me to him, "you're so beautiful, but you make me so sad."

"What?" I ask in confusion.

"Why do you do it?" He asks still slurring into my hair, "Is it because of Caoimhe?" My heart stops. "Is that why you push everyone away?" He's still kissing me but I'm completely frozen. "Answer me, Liz." He says his eyes closed tightly and his fingers sliding around my body. 

I feel sick, "Just sleep, Hugh." I say and I slide out of our sleeping bag and exit the tent, running as far as I can make it, which isn't long and I throw up, with tears clouding my vision.

"You okay?" I turn around expecting it to be Hugh, but to my surprise it's Patrick.

"Oh yeah, just too much to drink" I lie.

"You had half a beer." He states matter-of-factly. Why does he have to be so goddamn perceptive?

"Guess, I'm a lightweight." I try to say lightly, while discreetly brushing away my tears.

"Is that why you're crying?" He asks sarcastically. I feel so seen with him, it's sickening.

I remain silent, but he continues, "do you want to sit with me, for a minute?"

I nod and we walk into the woods, farther than I would have expected and we sit on some large rocks, "Gibsie kick you out?" I ask.

"I gave my tent to Liz."

"Oh, that's nice of you." He just shrugged. Before I can think I'm speaking, "You can go sleep in Hugh's tent, and I'll stay out here." God, why did I have to say that?

"What did he do?" He asks, his gaze darkening.

"Oh, nothing, I was joking..."

"You've got a horrible poker face outside of playing, you know?"