Seeing You - Boys of Tommen

What Were You Thinking?

January 20th, 2006

Hugh:

I don't think I had ever been so miserable in my life, and I had all my misery to blame on no one but myself. 

I had been physically sick since the night where Lizzie told Katie what had happened between us, and it killed me to know I had hurt like that. To see the look of pure betrayal and heartbreak on her face.

Not only that, but I had to see the judging look on the faces of my closest friends in the hall ways, in the lunch room, everywhere I looked. 

The news of what happened had somehow reached the whole school, and they stared at Katie and I like we were fish in a bowl. 

I hadn't spoken to Katie this last week, but she had this look of sadness about her that I couldn't shake. 

I had skipped most of the recent rugby practices but I couldn't let down even more people in my life, so I knew I had to show up today. 

We had a brutal practice, and my closest friends all but ignored me. Patrick was the worst, and I had taken many blows to head from my teammates. But it wasn't like I didn't deserve it. 

We were in the locker room now, and I could already feel the bruises forming, but I welcomed the pain. 

"Who?" I heard Joey Lynch say as I entered the locker room.

"You know, the red head you were talking to her like an hour ago." Damien responds.

"Oh, yeah." He says, clearly not having remembered her name.

"Okay, well is she single now?  I know shit went down with Hughie, but could you set me up?"

My heart stops

"Um, it's not really my place lad, she's my girlfriend's friend." Joey responds, uninterested. 

"Can you-" Damien stops speaking when he finally sees me. "Oh sorry lad, I didn't see you there." He looks at me curiously, "you don't mind do you?"

"Yeah I mind." I say before I can think. 

"No he does not." Patrick says right away, "he gave up that privilege."

"It's fine lad, if you don't want me to." Damien says looking at me.

Gibsie speaks up now, "have at it, Damien. Katie is a free agent."

Damien just nodded, and packed up the rest of his stuff, and exited the locker room, leaving me with Gibsie, Johnny, Joey, and Feely.

"I just got to ask lad, what the bloody hell were you thinking?" Gibsie asked, speaking to me for the first time all week.

I had nothing to say, not really. "I wasn't thinking."

"Yeah that's obvious." Johnny added. 

"I mean really, you got a great girl, you've been together for ever and you blow it for a night with the viper, herself. What gives?"

"It was a mistake." I respond. 

"Remember, all the practices you used to miss, chasing Kate around? I mean really lad?" Johnny asks.

Patrick speaks up for the first time, "wrong girl, cap."

"What?" Johnny eyes me, and I can feel myself shrinking. 

Patrick doesn't respond.

"I'm out, bye" Joey says leaving our drama filled locker room. 

Gibsie pipes up again, "you really blew it asshole, and there's gonna be a line up of guys for her now, and you're going be sad and alone."

"A little harsh, Gibs" Johnny responds.

"Well, can you even imagine doing that to Shannon?" Johnny looks horrified at the thought, "see, I'm the same about Claire-Bear, so I feel qualified to judge."

"Look Hughie, I won't pretend I understand you, but I'm not the one that has to forgive you, okay?" Johnny says confusing me.

"Um, okay" I respond

"So we're good, but I don't condone what you did."

"Same here" Gibsie says and we look to Feely, who's harshly gripping his backpack.

"Yeah, course. We're family." Patrick snaps out. 

"Thanks guys." I saying knowing full well I don't deserve them, but I'm selfish so I'm keeping them all the same. 

Thanks for reading!  - H <3