Seeing You - Boys of Tommen

Empty Apologies

January 8th, 2005

Hugh:

I knew I had dropped the ball with Katie tonight. I knew here friends were coming tonight and I let myself become consumed by Lizzie once again. I knew it was hypocritical for me to tell her that Pierce was too old for her, but I couldn't stand by and watch. 

Seeing that ginger motherfucker, hitting on Katie made me realize the error of my ways. But it also made me angry, not really at Katie, but more myself.

I felt like an asshole questioning her like this, but I was too far out of it. 

"You barely spent any time with me tonight." I said. "Were you with that fucker from before."

"I didn't think you wanted too, and no he was obviously speaking to me for the first time in years." She looked annoyed, "I was with Aoife and Casey."

"Why would you think that? You're my girlfriend."

"You were a little preoccupied."

"It wasn't like that."

"I know, that you have history with her and I accept and I'm understanding but..."

"What?"

"Did you even notice when I left?"

"What do you mean when you left?" Fuck.

"I was gone for almost an hour, Patrick drove Casey home and I went with them, and when I got back you hadn't even moved from your spot with Lizzie." She looked down, "You didn't even notice."

Katie was always understanding, putting up with more than she should, she was quick to forgiveness. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't take advantage of it. I loved her, but I treated her as an escape from my bullshit. She was my vacation home, and everything else was a run down, cracking at the foundation house of horrors. 

I could always rely on her to love me, and care for me. Things had been different since the ski trip, but I knew I could still count on her. 

"I'm sorry, but you should have told me you were leaving. It works both ways." I say, hating myself and my bullshit excuses. 

"I didn't tell you, because there was no point, nothing would have gone differently."

I feel like an asshole. I know I don't deserve her and I should let her go, but I'm selfish.

"I'm really sorry for making you feel that way, but just talk to me next time."

She just nodded, and I pulled her in for a hug which she reciprocated. I knew she didn't want another empty apology, but I had nothing else to give her. 

"I'm sorry, I'm just tired and it was a lot with Casey and Aoife tonight."

"Don't apologize, it's all on me." I say and it's the truth.

Thanks for reading! - H <3