I memorized your room
More than seeing you in happy places
My most familiar memory consumed
Where I pictured our image
Every corner,
The shade of blue in your painted walls,
Your arrangement of your things and messy clothes
And even the smell of your sheets and pillows
I'm happy, don't mind these thoughts
It's just a harmless one
Yet bringing it up
Might scare you to run away but
I want to at least ask
Can we have a date?
In a decent place
Don't get me wrong,
I loved your room
I loved that it's part of you
I love you
But I also wanted to experience
Being under a tree's shade, watching its leaves
Lying on top of a picnic cloth
With just you and me
I wanted to try going to the movies
Pick out our favorite shows
I'll watch your romance
And you'll endure my horrors
I've always wanted to see us
Mysteriously reading books on public libraries
Pretending we're strangers
As my books fall and you'll be there to pick it
To feel the cold breeze
And to smell the salty winds
To feel the sandy shore below my feet
As we both run just by the sea
Or go the amusement park!
We'll go to rides and you'll buy me cotton candy
I'll tease you with girly headbands
Get extremely tired but we'll go home happy
I have always planned
And imagined doing such fun things
With the one I loved
Which is you
But you love me in a way that I don't know
Or not yet have known or understood
You go down on one knee
And next second, you introduced me your bedroom
It was cute, and warm and cuddly
I feel loved, assured, and seen
When you heard enough of my moans and screams
I saw the satisfaction in your eyes
Just what did you see in me?
To be in your arms
And enveloped by your warmth
Even though
I had to be naked to feel such so
It's okay for me--
You, not knowing about my pain
Or whatever that makes me happy
It's fine for me if you only knew what I tasted like
And know that you own this body
Saying this, I don't know if I'm still sane
But...
With the way I was held,
Like you're connecting constellations
The shape of my breasts and what they feel like
The tracing the structure of my collarbones
And caressing all skins of my torso
Down to what you feel whenever you trace my folds
"This is love"
Tears fell from my eyes thinking of that thought
You indeed saw me
And I was seen
I was also used
For all of your sickening needs
But you were there
And I was loved
You called my name
And you said such dirty words with "love"
As you kissed my parts
And traced my skin
I was seen
And was also used in everything
072924
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Writer's note:
Is this love or was I just a product of your lust?
