In Charlotte's Eyes

What We're Gonna Be

She spent the entire day with him. Setting up her phone, going shopping, eating out, and going places. The two were walking downtown, on the way back to Parker’s car.

The air was a comfortable cool, the street lights on due to the sun setting early. The pair were both happy, smiling. Parker pulled out his phone and texted someone quickly. As he put it away, he said, “Hey, Charlotte.”

“Hm?”

“Does this remind you of all the things we used to do?”

She looked around at the lights. “Yeah.” The world seemed beautiful. “I missed being with you.”

Parker looked away. That was.. encouraging. “I did, too.”

There was a pause.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Mhm.”

“I've been meaning to ask this to you, but..” His voice faltered, suddenly feeling flustered. “Uhh-..” He shook his head. “Actually, I'll ask you when we get back to the car.”

Charlotte was curious what he wanted to ask, but nodded. “Okay.”

Parker knew he needed to ask her. He couldn't keep avoiding the problem. Not when his heart felt so conflicted on how to feel. He needed to hear her thoughts. He kept glancing at her, steeling himself to say what he needed to say.

Whatever outcome came, he'd be okay with it.

When they got to his car, they each got to their own sides. Charlotte put her seatbelt on, but Parker didn't. He didn't start the car. Instead, he looked at her. “What did you want to ask?” She asked, looking back at him.

He put his hands on the wheel and looked straight ahead, taking a deep breath. “I wanted to ask.. about-.. our relationship.” He waited for a response, but nothing came. He glanced at Charlotte. She didn't look alarmed, but he didn't get a good look. “Did you think about it at all while you were gone?”

Charlotte shouldn't be shocked that Parker wanted to talk about this. She knew that they had to explicitly address it eventually. Even so, she felt shaken by the question. “I.. did, yeah.” She muttered.

“What do you think?”

“I felt.. guilty about it, the more I thought about it. I..” She looked down, ashamed. “I understand if you hate me for that.”

These answers weren't deep enough. He needed to know the details to feel satisfied. “Why didn't you want to get closer?”

“I don't know, I-..” She huffed, a bit distraught. “I just-.. I-..” She didn't know how to respond.

“Did you think I just wouldn't be a good boyfriend?”

“No, no-!” She immediately responded, feeling even more guilt. “I don't know..!” She grimaced. “Maybe I just-” She groaned. “Maybe I just didn't think I would be a good girlfriend..” She muttered. She didn't know what else to say.

“Maybe?” He repeated, unsatisfied. “Do you not remember what you thought of us before?”

“Parker, I don't know.” She leaned against the window. “I was tortured constantly by the thoughts of what I was doing to you.” Abstracty had opened her eyes to what she had been doing. “I can't even imagine now why I was..” Her voice faltered and she closed her eyes. “But I couldn't resist you. You were so- exciting to me.”

His brows furrowed. He let out a small sound of frustrated confusion. “Well..” He paused. “What do you want us to be? Just friends?”

“...”

“...”

“..What do you want us to be?” She countered quietly.

He drew a deep breath through his nose. “Part of me wants to go back to how things were.” Even though it was frustrating, it was also exciting to try and prove himself to her. “Part of me wants to actually get together for real.” He wanted to feel that closeness. He would recall their intimate moments and relive the close buzz he got from being with her. “But I also feel like it'd be for the best if we remained just friends.” That was probably the best option. But it was unsatisfying; unexciting—the thing that was so addicting when it came to being with Charlotte was the excitement. The rush of chasing after her. He knew he had a shot. But was that really good for his mental? “So I don't know what to do. I thought you were gone forever, but you're back. It's brought these.. uncomfortable feelings to come back and I don't know what to do. I need to know how you feel.” He admitted.

Charlotte breathed softly, guilty. She turned to look at him. A long, deep gaze. He was still the same man that excited her—turned her on—back then. There was undoubtedly chemistry between them, and she had been foolish to not jump on the opportunity back then. She had a lack of comfort back on The Plane. Ever since she came back, Parker has been doing everything to bring her comfort. She didn't feel she deserved him. She couldn't say she wanted to be with him. That wouldn't be right. “I..” She drew a shaky breath. “I think you're.. an amazing catch, Parker.” She admitted. “But I don't-.. deserve you..” She looked down.

She doesn't deserve you. She doesn't deserve you. I don't deserve you.

That's all Parker has been hearing about Charlotte. That she doesn't deserve him. Hearing it from her pissed him off the most. She'd repeated the phrase multiple times since coming back. He scowled. “I don't care if you think you deserve me or not, Charlotte.” He tried to sound as calm as possible, but all this downplaying of her character really pushed him the wrong way. She messed up, but so has he. Everyone screws up. “If it were up to you, what would you want our relationship to be right now?”

Charlotte was a bit taken back by that response. “Well.. I'm not sure, um-..” She fumbled with her thoughts. Would it be contradictory to say anything but she wants to be with him? “Can I think about it for a few days?” She muttered.

“Hmm.” Parker looked away. That wasn't the answer he was expecting. He turned to face her again. “I won't be upset, no matter what you say.” He encouraged her, softening his voice. “I just want to know your honest opinion. Right now.”

She glanced at him. “Well-.. it's..” Her voice quieted. “We should probably just be friends for now.” Parker nodded. He felt both disappointed and relieved. He didn't know which feeling was stronger. “But,” Her voice caught his attention. “I would love to be with you, if things work out.” They made eye contact briefly, a shy but excited smile on her face.

“Hm.” He smiled. That felt like the correct answer. “Alright. Yeah. That sounds good.” He finally started the car.

She quietly snickered. “I'm surprised you still even consider me.”

He said his seatbelt on. “Because I know I can fix you.” He smirked.

“Tch.” She pushed his shoulder, but he noticed the grin on her face.