In Charlotte's Eyes

Undeserving of Your Love

Five days passed. It was a cool, windy Thursday evening. Charlotte and Parker were at an ice rink together. It was relatively quiet; the building not very busy on a random Thursday night. Christmas decor adorned the building’s perimeters, as well as the rink’s railings. Paper snowflakes hung overhead and the rink was layered in a moody lighting. The pair swayed in sync, travelling at a calm pace around the perimeter of the rink.

“Thanks again for agreeing to testify.” Charlotte had a petite smile on.

They were talking the evening away. Parker relieving himself from the work day, Charlotte experiencing and taking a new appreciation for the small experiences of life.

“Of course.” He responded, looking down at her content smile. Her good eye gazed up at the glittery snowflakes. “It’s just.. so relieving to have you back. I want to help as much as I can.” He didn't know how else to emphasize those feelings. He felt like he'd told her that a dozen times since she came back—and she'd probably heard it a dozen more times from everyone else—but he couldn't come up with a new set of words to tell her.

“Hm-hm.” She giggled, lips closed. “Thanks, Parker.”

Parker felt like there was so much romantic tension between them. He couldn't tell if it was just him or not. “What do you want for Christmas?”

The date was slowly approaching. Despite her long absence, Charlotte hadn't missed one. That made her happy. “I dunno.” Was her instinctual response. “I haven't really thought about it for some reason.” She took in the colorful Christmas lights.

He gulped silently. “I'm willing to get you anything.” He kept his eyes on her.

Charlotte took note of how that offer sounded—the way Parker had said it. “You already got me a phone,” She stifled a laugh. “You're supporting me, you've forgiven me,” She shook her head. “That's already enough.”

Parker felt this urge—this need—to make physical contact with her. This tension and feeling in his heart.. he couldn't deny it. He longed for her during her absence and she was here. “No—I’m,” In a bold stroke, he slipped his hand around hers. “Really ada-” His breath hitched when Charlotte turned to look him in the eye. They stopped together on the ice. The softness in her smile took his breath away. There was a hint of guilt behind her happiness.

Charlotte was amused by him—in the way that she found it impossible for him to still feel this way. It was like neither of them learned anything from their previous relationship. “Parker,” She paused, looking down at their connected hands. She put her free hand on top of them. “I really love you,”

That was an unfinished statement. Parker’s eyes watered.

She drew in a breath to say something else, but it never came out. Instead, she muttered, “You don't need to get me anything.”

Her hands drifted off of his. She took a stride away. Parker looked around, grateful at the lack of people here. He followed her stride. “What were you going to say?” He caught up to her. He needed to know. He was done trying to decipher her true feelings. He needed to hear it straight. “Please tell me.”

She slowed her skating. The old Charlotte would've feigned ignorance. She took a breath. Vulnerability. “I can't believe you still love me.” She admitted.

“Why?” He asked quickly, frustrated. “Why wouldn't I?”

Nine months. “I don't deserve you.”

Parker screeched to a halt in front of her, catching her as she weakly bumped into him. They stopped and looked each other in the eyes for a few moments. Charlotte’s lip was straight and wobbly at the same time. She smiled, but it wasn't pure. Parker’s lips were ajar, teeth gently clenched. His expression was stern.

“...” She could hear his gentle, quick huffs. “Stop.” His order wasn't aggressive, wasn't strong. It was quiet, assertive.

“...”

It wasn't about what she deserved. He was tired of hearing that. He sighed. “What do you want for Christmas?”

“...”

“...”

“Just get me something special.”