You're My Bullying Cure

26. Confrontation

Songs for this chapter:
A Little Too Much - Shawn Mendes
Eye of The Needle - Sia

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Noelani's pov
I wake up to my school alarm and I sigh and get out of bed. I put on my school uniform and it looks huge on me because I haven't worn it in a while. I run down to the bathroom and have a wash and I manage to avoid everyone, they are all still asleep probably. I go back up to my bedroom and close the door. I do my normal makeup, concealer and mascara and I look in the mirror. What can I do with my hair? One side of it is gone... I decide to do a side braid to hide the fact that there isn't any hair and stitches or pain.

I look at myself again once I have finished my hair. I look smaller than usual, I feel smaller, I feel like half my actual height. I grab my ipod and school bag and go downstairs. I make myself a cup of tea and drink it quickly and I then make my lunch box and drinks bottle. I wash out my mug and dry it and put it away and I hear the front door open and Scarlett coming in. I walk past her and out the front door.

"Noelani where are you going? You have forty five minutes until school is open... Come in and talk to me." She says.

I carry on walking away, ignoring her pointless offer. Instead, I walk to the graveyard. I sit in front of my parents and sisters stones and stare at them and imagine my stone next to my sisters.

"You should be here, I should be down there. I know you're not even there, you're back in Michigan... But I should be wherever you are there and you should still be there, but alive and happy. Can that work? Can I die and you three come back to life? Can the world exchange one life for three better lives? I mean, Jessie, you were gorgeous, you still would be if it wasn't for me. You would have a whole group of friends, a boyfriend. Mum, dad, you would have a daughter that would make you proud, that could represent you so well... You would be saving the world with your jobs... You would still be able to smile and make each other laugh. Kiss and hold hands. Cuddle and tell Jessie memories of when you first met and then to now.

"But instead I am here... I am failing at this... I mean, look at me. I am a victim of bullying, rape and abuse... I am so sorry I couldn't and still can't protect myself... It's like my body shuts down when they are near me and I can't react to them... I just panic and start to cry and I go into such a state... I can tell you are disappointed in me. I don't have friends, I have never had a boyfriend, I can't make you proud and I am doing the worst job at representing you guys... I am making the world miserable, I make people miserable. I make the atmosphere miserable...

"I know this because I was basically told it. I fell in the game of trust and it played me well. Because I am destroyed and waiting for 'game over' to show up in front of me. Yet it's taking a while to load to that part. Life is like a huge game and I am the worst character out of them all. I'm the one that no one picks because they will lose straight away, they wouldn't even get a chance at winning, even with a head start or by cheating. But others are so good at playing this game. They can trick you, become a team member yet they are using you to stay alive until they find someone better and they let you get shot. Usually they are the reason why you get shot at because they aren't defending you as well, they are just defending themselves...

"Why am I even telling you guys this? You probably don't even care. You are just waiting for me to leave you guys alone. You are waiting for me to be down under, yet I doubt I will even get buried, I will just lay there, in the middle of nowhere, decaying and disappearing. No one crying over my loss, no one telling the others memories, no one reading a poem or a speech that was well thought out, nothing representing me as a whole. There will be no music as the red curtains are pulled around me, there will be no hymns sung, no religious speaker, there won't even be a service. It will just me and my little lifeless body. I am okay with that I guess... I deserve it I suppose. I'll be gone sooner than you think. This world will be rid of me for the rest of it's long years.