A Million Miles And I'm Now Here

12.07.15

Damn it's been a stressful day. I barely got any sleep last night and here at school until 8-9ish and just my depression and sadness is over flowing my bloodstream. It all just started from just talking to over thinking and being stressed out. You know today was supposed to be extremely special day for me. It was going to be 6 month anniversary with my ex. You think 6 months might not be a lot but, this person I don't know he made me extremely happy even my mother saw it in my face. I thought I was going to marry this boy but, I guess not. With that being said I'm going though such an emotional roller coaster and it is terrible. Ugh, why me? My highs and lows are beyond awful. Like I don't know anymore it seems like I'm a train wreck. My friends from choir are like the only people here that are helping and not letting me cry my eyeballs out thanks to them for being there. I love you guys thanks so much. Wish me luck for the concert.

So, this is post concert and I actually had gotten better! I saw my old concert choir friends. Josh and Jordan ( Jordan was only in chamber but, we all called him Black Jesus I completely forgot why we named him that) they're both are crazy guys who have the best bromance I've ever seen. They're both freshman in college now so I never get to see them anymore. Sometimes I miss the attention and the amount of care that Josh had given me but hey, I know how to live without it I supposed. Now I'm home after a long freaking day and the only thing I honestly want to do is talk to Jerome. Yes thats his name. I have a need to talk to him at the moment but, I don't know what to say. I wanna say I love him but that doesn't seem right yet... I'm so clueless with words when I'm around him. Even writing sappy paragraphs I honestly don't know what to say. I want to give him something that he'll remember me for. I just don't know what. I'm the queen of writing something sappy just because I get to gather my feeling and emotions for one person and just smack it in to writing. ( btw I honestly suck at writing) So, yeah this Jerome guy he... he makes me not speechless but wordless I guess if thats even a thing... I don't know. I can never find the right words to even explain how he makes me feel and I honestly find that extremely awkward for me just because I can't explain how I feel about this one person. My mind is getting sidetrack and telling me I'm in a need of cuddles and hugs.  xoxo stay strong