A Million Miles And I'm Now Here

2.27.16

Well Jerome tried to get us back. I felt something I thought it was a good sign. Just the skype call the near end it went from 100 to -10 I started crying. I left the call and kept crying. It's always about Morgan like our relationship cycles on Morgan. I can't do it anymore, every time she post something it always gets him upset and I have to fix everything. Then more I fix the more I'm being broken down. It's like using the resources that I have to survive for someone else because they need it more than I do. It's like me giving up my water for them to stay strong when I'm becoming dehydrated. Because that how I honestly feel and it makes me want to give up on everything. Like no one cares anymore. I'm giving so much and I received so little. I guess that's me.

I walked out the door. I put so much effort in to Jerome guiding him where we should be going and I left for one week and it was like I never taught him anything. I feel like I didn't do anything I didn't help him. I wanted to see him succeed be the best him he could ever be. I failed at it. I loved him so much even through times with I wanted to die every single day. I can't do it anymore. I'm broken, no one helped me and no one will. No one understands how every little thing about me I gave on. It kills me how much he cares about Morgan. He needs to get over her forget about her and let it be like that. I'm just getting in the way.