A Million Miles And I'm Now Here

12.08.15

I'm at choir sitting with my squad and this other girl who is way to hyper since she didn't get any sleep for whatever reason. Man is she annoying today. We finally got her to calm down after 45 mins of harassing Kyra. Any who it's been okay day. No emotionally roller coasters just yet but, I do want to go home to see who I dearly love Jerome. I love how constantly I talk to him. Man I love how he makes me happy. I like we're beginning to Skype right before I go to school now. It's like a good way to wake up in the morning. I'm smiling all morning and I get messages from him throughout the day. Keeping myself smiling and head up. I can't wait for the day I could just fly over seas and just knock on his door and love him to death. I'm getting butterflies from just thinking about it. I know people are crazy for flying over to meet other people but, if your truly in love with a person I don't understand the problem with that as long as they are not terrible people who will rape and etc...

Hurray! I'm home at last. Damn it has been such a long day. I never knew a Tuesday could be so long. I don't know why today seemed to take forever, I mean it seemed like a usual Tuesday seeing the same people like I do every Tuesday. I think school is wearing me out. I come home and I feel relieved that I'm not the same place I am from Mondays to Fridays for at least 8 hours a day. It was a lot worse when it was during fall, it school from 7:00 am to like 5:00 pm and sometimes till 8 or 9 for games since I play field hockey. I'm so tired. I'm ready for to lay in bed and let it take the stress away from my body.

I'm done. It's 7:31 pm and I feel like I'm dying in just a pot hole and all I want to do is cry my eyes out. All the emotions that run through my mind is just beyond awful. I want to leave and never come back. Take me away from here. I feel useless, I feel like I'm incapable of making myself happy anymore. My happiness is just gone from 10 to -100. It feels like the whole world is crashing down. I feel like I can't pick myself from the world of sadness. I can't stand it any longer I never want to come back. I'm falling back and no one is catching me. Its like everyone is there to see me fall and to see tears shed from my face. The funny thing is that no one sees that I'm ever in pain. I can't even make tears to roll off my face anymore. I guess no one can see pain inside my open wound. I think I've gone crazy. Like I can't stand myself breathing anymore. I feel broken, all of the parts inside me are just nearly impossible to even heal at this point. I feel like I'm okay, I guess I'm when I'm okay everything seems right but, when everything seems to go down hill I shatter in to a billion pieces. Goodnight and be happy hopefully ill find a way. </3