A Million Miles And I'm Now Here

12.20.15

I was okay all day. Finally happy for most of the day I got to go eat at chilis and watch a movie like I had to admit it was a good day. I got to see Star Wars and man I love it now. So many questions at the end and now I have to wait like a good year or so. I hate myself sometimes, like I really want to make Jerome happy. It has been my goal to make him happy since the first day I met him. Like its frustrating sometimes. I get like so upset when he is, so honestly I internally just want to cry and cry and cry. Yesterday was so bad, I got upset and he got upset it was not a pretty sight. Like I would start crying at anything that was bad about him. It was really that bad, to the point I was where I was crying so hard and I just had to stop because I couldn't breath.  Why does love have to be so hard? I fight for what I love but would the love of your life do the same? Sometimes I'm scared to see what the future holds for me and yet for him. Will we stand to fight or otherwise? I'm scared and young, do I know what true love is? I grew up too fast and I know it way too well. As a small child acting like 2 or 3 years older than what I really was. People always found it to be that way, kinda just pretend to go along with it. Mature, older, seemed like fun. Now being old and how it really was, its scary, hard and confusing. I'm lost and I have no guidance. I want someone, to hug and have support from. Help? please? I'm dying without anyone knowing honestly. goodnight