A Million Miles And I'm Now Here

12.17.15

My oh my I have no words to explain how I feel. It's not that I want to disappear its just the sense of loneliness. I feel like there is no one. I feel like I'm disappearing, I kept quiet from Jerome since I got home and on Skype. It's not that I didn't want to talk to him, it's the fact that I don't know explain how I have been feeling to him. I wanted to roll the tears off my face but, no tears seem to have fallen off. I really want to sleep my way out of everything. I haven't been eating at all quite honestly. Its like I just stopped out of no where. I can't eat anymore like my stomach refuses to eat therefore I eat just about one time a day and have 4 really small snacks throughout the day. Everything seems hate me or something. I have no clue if its stress or whatever but I feel like I'm incapable doing any of my work. Let me just cry until I can't breath anymore. I cleaned my whole room and yet I still feel the same way. Depressed and lonely I want someone to just hug me and care for me like a big baby. I feel so stressed FOR NO REASON I don't even have that much homework today. I want to lay in bed and sleep but, I don't want to do that either. I want something but I don't know what I want and thats a problem. I guess I want someone to cuddle with me in bed. Kiss me and tell me I'm going to be okay. I don't think I'll ever be the same again. I find that I'm gonna die in a pot hole and not let anyone find me. Life is hard I don't understand how some go through it without a problem. I feel so sick all I want to do just puke, puke until there isn't anything I have left in my stomach. My heart feels like it died, like all I could do is just die. I feel cold like there isn't anything left to keep me warm anymore. I miss my happiness, I miss smiling every weekend and being the girl I used to be. Maybe getting married and having kids isn't the future for me. Maybe being under the ground in a coffin is where I should be at. I hate to admit but I miss someone who I hate so much. The more I hate the more I miss, it hurts about same either way. I can't do it anymore. I wanna give up and leave it at it. I don't have tears to shed anymore. It hurts to care so much, it hurts to love. Its like hugging a rose, it's so pretty not hug. If love it and touch it i'll hurt you. Just let me die already.