A Million Miles And I'm Now Here

1.19.16

Tired but energized, Ew that a weird combo isn't. Well one more day of living the life of high school exams until the last week of school. I slept when I got home, maybe I've been just too tired and my body just collapsed. Oh well, thank god for next semester a study hall 7 classes is way too many for me and especially 3 science classes. Now its down to 2 so I think I can handle it. I feel like I should study but, I've been doing for the past week I honestly need to get out of the house its too stressful i need to go out to eat or shopping or something

Well, guess who is going to going to work right after exams tomorrow? You guessed it its me... sighs tomorrow was going to be my rest day and I'm to shoot my brains out because I'm so fucking tired and yet I slept on Jerome once again this afternoon. I guess I just have sleep early tonight, but whatever I'm kinda done at this point. I hate that I have to work at the times that I actually get a break like half days when no one is there or spring breaks, winter breaks and the whole summer. The sadness of my anger makes me laugh, does that even make sense? I'm sad but angry that I can't stay home but yet I laugh at it. Damn that makes me feel evil in a sense. I laugh at my own pain. Is it bad that my period does what it wants at this point. Angry for no reason but smile in pain for another. Depressed out of no where or looking and sounding like I'm mentally insane? Well thats just me I guess.

Jerome: I love you.

In bed. I can't help but to write. I feel like I'm dying tonight. My heart feels crushed and everything that used to make me happy has now hurt me. I talked to Kevin he didn't see that I'm basically begging him to help me since no one is up. I hate my mind. I wanna cry. I can't sleep and I feel like no one cares. Maybe I should text Sheldon. He's still up maybe. Maybe not second hand. Riley texted me again and I finally replied. He still wanted to know if I was still mad at him truthfully yeah I am. The fight we had last time is a trigger to my depression. The thought that although you're far away you can't love the other person if you haven't met them before. Sighs. Love is love and that's how it will be. Tears that roll down my face on to my pillow. Tears of sadness and tears of myself hatred. I guess no one cares it just feels as if it was one of those terrible terrible nights. Well it's already becoming one. Hopefully I can just pass out and be done for