A Million Miles And I'm Now Here

1.22.16

I wanna cry, I have study hall right now and I'm feeling just done, finished. I was in choir I saw an and now he's in my choir. Oh great and his girlfriend, biggest bitch I've ever seen. Still mad that I apparently stole him from her although he left her months ago and just talked to me. I love how she just says this and that about me. Telling me I'm wrong all the time and yet smiles at me like she did nothing. So fucking bossy I don't understand why so many people like her. Is it me who's so mean? It's that I am the bad guy but anyways I'm so done with this bullshit. I'm done with no one caring. I don't give two shits anymore. It's like I'm a waste of space, a wasted human organism. I want to cry so hard and I can't so many people so many people would judge. Most people in here are people I know or I've talked to before. No one cares. My heartaches my head hurts and yet I'm listening to a love song. It's like as if caged up and to scared to break free. I don't want to do anything but go home. I know I can't call mom to pick me up its so pity I'd rather die at school than call her. She's done so much. I'd be wasting time to her. People smiling happily, I wished I could be that way maybe it's just impossible. It's as I'm sinking in a boat drowning being locked up. The night kills me even more I just can't cry sometimes, and sometimes I desperately need to but that's seems impossible as well. I don't wanna talk to anyone anymore I guess that why I wanted Tiana to sleep over someone to watch me when I sleep because I pass out sleeping next to her 10x faster then I would sleep without coming over. Sounds weird I know. My stomach hurts and I have no idea why, everything seems like a living hell and I want to just die.