A Million Miles And I'm Now Here

12.19.15

I woke up this morning of happiness and joyfulness and whatever. I laid in bed for a little bit and my aunt from Vietnam called. I picked up and talk to my cousins for a bit and the called kept dropping so I didn't even bother to call back again. I seemed so happy today I had no clue besides it's extremely bright and sunny the whole morning. I felt like I could do anything and not be upset. I realized that was a lie later on. I talked to Jerome while he was at his grandma house. He finally got home and I called him right away. I missed him and I mean a lot. I told him to go to bed the night before since he had to go to grandma and did so therefore I didn't really talk to him last night. As the day went by my happiness started to slide down in to a very dumpy mood. All I really wanted to do cuddle and have someone wrap me up with blankets and sleep. I hate that night fall seems to be a struggle for me. It is always the night that bothers me the most. I could never sleep, or I would have to turn on the lights to sleep and even that it wasn't good sleep. For some reason I love just love to sleep when there is still light out since its December you hardly see any light maybe the reason why I don't feel the best during the winter months. Every year winter seemed to make me want to cry more and more and I feel terrible. Like I dread to get up for school honestly I think it's going to be worst then ever. This night the longer this night continues the more pain I'm suffering. I cried until I couldn't breath. My tears feel like acid rolling of my face and my stomach just wants to puke. I just don't want to do it. My period doesn't help, I'm depressed as it is my period makes it even worse than it should be. I give up, Zach been helping (not really) I really just can't do life. I'm dying and burning out.