A Million Miles And I'm Now Here

1.28.16

Why does one song have a bring so many memories? Why does it have to bring the past... I loved this song since who knows how long but I always played it when I was crying. Playing it loud enough for my family to not hear me cry. Where I'd look at the street light or the moon for some light in my heart. I guess that's why I can't sleep with the lights off... I guess that's another problem I have. I don't understand why people tell me I'm perfect, ever since I was little. I see nothing but flaws and imperfections. Hence the screen name MissImperfection143. Im not perfect not matter how many people tell me I am but I'm not. Everything goes the wrong way. I do everything wrong in the first place. I'm sick of being alone, even though I talk to Jerome sometimes I just want a hug or go spend time with friends. Sometimes I just need to be with my friends if I have any.

I thought was getting better that's a fucking lie. God I hate myself, I hate myself so damn much. I hate everything, I care to much about people who don't give jack to me. I never deserved to be here. I knew everything could come crumbling down on me. That fake smile I put on everyday. I want to rip it off my face and cry, that pretty mask I've made it to be. To rip it off to show my hideous face. Who I really am.  No one knows me. I don't know who I am. I'm lying to myself but it's not enough for me to believe it. I hate who I am and what I've become. Cold and lost is what I have become.