A Million Miles And I'm Now Here

12.15.15

In choir once again. Jerome and I agree to tell the other if one of us is upset. I have a problem with that. I couldn't express or tell someone about how I work as a person. I'm just a girl who shoves emotion in to a can and expect it not to explode. I can't let it go, I have no way to release it. I still have tension with myself. Self of steam various all the time. Most people don't realize I never left my shyness behind. I have no confidence when I'm put out on the spot or in a room with new people I've never met. I get intimidated very quickly and it's awful. My weakness are so bad. My body gets hot and all I want to do is runway. Runway from every weakness I have. I'm terrified about almost everything if I put thought to. The what if's and what happens that makes me scared for the future at times. So holy cow, I just saw Tim and Arley and they go to the tech school that is down the street. It's not that there far away its that. You're just so busy and so are they you don't get to catch up. I went to the doctor. I told the doctor how I've been feeling and I have clinical depression. It shouldn't be a surprise but it was for my mother that was a whole new story. It feels like I've been failing at everything but my don't happen to say so I have every above a B but math that's a C-. I just feel like I'm not doing my best not doing the best of my ability and that's bothering me so much. I don't want to feel like that.