To Make You Fall In Love (Phan)

Chapter 16

I collapse onto the sofa when I get home and flick through the channels aimlessly until I find something relatively alright and just sit on my laptop half watching the TV and half flicking through tumblr.  At 11 I go upstairs shower, straighten my hair and get dressed. I grab my phone and keys and sit down to wait for Phil. The doorbell rings at exactly 12 and I hop up grab my coat, slip on my shoes and answer the door. Phil looks nervous so I smile encouragingly.

"Are you sure you want me to come?" I ask.

"Yeah definitely," he says smiling and I shut the door behind me and walk to Phil's car.

In the car it's quiet. I keep waiting for Phil to fill the silence but he doesn't. I can't think of anything to say so I just press play on whatever CD is in Phil's car at the moment.

The intro to Sugar, We're Going Down  starts playing and I smile remembering the last time I listened to this song. I look over at Phil to see that he is blushing which just makes me smile more.

I hum along to the tune and Phil taps his fingers gently on the steering wheel. After the song finished another Fall Out Boy song plays and then some Muse and Panic! At The Disco and My Chemical Romance and Twenty Øne Piløts. It's a really good playlist and I can't help but admire Phil's music taste.

Soon we're pulling into the car park. Phil seems nervous. Why is he this nervous? I take a deep breath and give his hand a small squeeze. He smiles gratefully at me and we quickly get out and I follow Phil into the hospital. He leads me through the twisty corridors until we're back at the room I saw him in with Chris and PJ. He takes a breath and opens the door.

"Dan, meet my mum. Mum, meet Dan," Phil says quietly as I look at the small, frail women in the bed in front of me. She's tiny, with greying hair cut to around her shoulders. She looks like she was once very pretty but she looks tired and worn. Her skin is a pastel colour and her eyes looks so sad and lost. But they remind me of Phil. A lot of her reminds me of Phil. She turns to properly look at us and she frowns.

"Who are you?" She asks.

"It's me Mum," Phil says quietly walking in and in that moment I realise the question wasn't aimed at me. "It's Phil. And this here, is my friend Dan," Phil carries on as he walks further into the room and taking his coat off. His mum frowns and looks at Phil for a few minutes before recognition seems to take over her face.

"Okay," is all she says. Phil sits down in a chair beside her bed and he gestures for me to come and sit next to him.

"How do you feel?" Phil asks and his mum waves her hand dismissively at the question.

"Where's that girl?" His mum asks instead. "The pretty one. Where did she go?"

"Jenny isn't here Mum. She's at home," Phil says quietly. Who's Jenny? What's wrong with Phil's mum? Is it curable? Will he be okay?

"Oh that's a shame. She was nice," Phil's mum says staring off distantly.

"Yeah she's very nice. But, how are you feeling? What have the doctors said?" He asks and his mum frowns.

"I don't like the doctors. They're lying," She says grumpily.

"They're not lying Mum, they're just trying to help," he says and I can tell this isn't the first time they've had this conversation.

"I don't need help," she says huffily as she breaks into a coughing fit. Phil jumps up and goes to her side to help her as she leans over the side of her bed with rasping, harsh, loud coughs. I freeze not knowing what to do that could help. As she calms down and leans back into her pillows.

"Yes. You do," Phil says quietly. He looks at me and smiles to tell me it's okay. That should be my job. I smile back.

"I like your smile," Phil's mums says to me suddenly and I turn to look at her.

"I like your smile too," I say.

"It's not at sweet as Phil's," she says fondly. It's strange how one moment she seems lost in the moment and another lost in the past. How she can forget her son but then remember and care for him so deeply in just a few seconds.

"I agree completely," I say blushing and Phil's mum just smiles sweetly.

"What happened to that girl?" Phil's mum asks after a moment. "The blonde one?"

"Jenny's at home mum," Phil answers. He seems uncomfortable maybe with his mums memory and illness or her asking about this Jenny girl.

"That's a shame," she says. She goes quiet for a minute before Phil begins asking her questions again. She answers briefly and seems to get confused about where she is at one point but Phil handles her so well. He's amazing. But it's sad to see him looking after his mum, being under so much stress. It isn't fair.

I sit quietly listening to their conversations occasionally joining in until we have to leave we say goodbye and I smile brightly at her before we leave the room.

"I'm just going to have a quick conversation with the doctor and then we can go home, okay?" Phil says and I smile and nod.

"Yeah okay," I say and take a seat in the waiting area whilst Phil has a quick discussion with a tall man in a white coat by the desk. I think I see Phil's shoulders drop slightly and the doctors hand pats him lightly on the back before he waves weakly and walked back over towards me. "Are you alright?" I ask.

"Yeah I'm fine," he says happily. Too happily.

"You don't have to pretend," I say and I push open the door of the hospital.

"I'm not pretending," he says. I don't believe him. But I don't pressure him. We get back into Phil's car and he pulls out the car park quickly. "Thank you...for coming," he says softly.

"It's alright. She was lovely," I say truthfully.

"She's a pain in the butt," he says smiling.

"You don't mean that," I say hitting his arm.

"You're right," he says and pauses. "You can ask me questions, you know?" He says and I know he's referring to her illness but I don't need to know. I know she's ill and that it's hurting Phil and he probably doesn't want to talk about it so I won't pressure him.

"I know," I think Phil understands and he smiles widely at me and my heart stops for a second. He's so adorable. We're in silence again and a question keeps nagging at the back of my brain. Who's Jenny? I decide to take the plunge I mean I need to take chances and opportunities or I'll never get anywhere. I just need to ask. I debate with myself until we're back in Manchester, he'll be drooling me off soon.

"Who's Jenny?" I say quickly. For a minute I don't think Phil heard me as he makes no move to answer but his hands do tighten around the steering wheel.

"Um...I guess she's kind of...my girlfriend?" He says quietly. What?? My mind is spinning.

"Er... For how long?" I ask. Phil seems really uncomfortable.

"Well, we were best friends for most of our lives but we started dating I'd say about 18 months ago," he says even more quietly. He kissed me? Twice! Whilst he still had a girlfriend? I can't believe him. "Listen. Dan. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lead you on or anything. I mean...well I... It's complicated-"

"It's not that complicated Phil," I say harshly and immediately regret it.

"I'm sorry Dan I really am. Just. Let me explain?" He asks as he stops the car outside my house.

"Maybe later. I need to get inside," I say quietly and open my door.

"Come out with me. Tonight. I'll explain. Really, I'm sorry," he says and he looks it. He looks so sorry that I nod begrudgingly and he smiles. "I'll pick you up at 6," and then I leave and he's gone.