To Make You Fall In Love (Phan)

Chapter 17

PHILS POV.

I'm tired and all I want to do is go home and sleep before picking Dan up later but I can't. There's something I need to do first. I've been putting it off too long and I need to sort it out now. I pull up in her driveway and quickly jump out and run up the stairs to her house. Her dad opens the door.

"Hiya Phil," he says brightly.

"Hello Brian, is Jenny in?" I ask smiling.

"Yeah, come in. She's just upstairs," he says and I smile at him again and walk past him up the stairs towards her room.

Deep breath. And knock.

"Phil?" Jenny asks confused, pulling her headphones out her ears. "What are you doing here?" She's really pretty, her blonde curls falling over her shoulders and she's wearing an oversized jumper and slipper socks that going up to her knees. She doesn't even have any make up on and she's easily prettier than anyone at my school. But it's not just that, she's kind and so clever and has an amazing sense of humour. And I really really didn't want to do this.

"Hey Jen," I say and walk in and sit on her bed. She smiles but still looks a little confused and she sits up and comes towards me.

"Why are here? You didn't call me last night, I was worried," She asks and all I can do is smile weakly.

"I was staying over at my friends house," I say simply.

"Oh, Dan?" She asks.

"PJ. But Dan was there. And Chris," I say. She knows all about them. I never really stop talking about them.

"That's good. Did you have a nice time?" She asks and I think she knows something is up. She always does know. That's why I love her. She's being polite, she's waiting for me to tell her.

"Yeah. It was great," I say quickly. Okay, here goes nothing. "Okay Jen. Here's the thing, I'm...confused?" I say not really knowing how to phrase this. Rip the bandaid off and everything? "I think....that I'm gay," I say. She freezes slightly. And I can see everything working behind her eyes. Shit.

"Oh," she says and then we're silent. Oh god, what have I done? This was such a stupid idea. She's going to feel like I've been leading her on and that I never loved her and that I'm a really terrible person and I'll have lost her forever. And this was so so stupid. I'm so stupid. Suddenly she ends my tyrant of horrible thoughts with loud laughter. "Oh Philly," she says between giggles.

"What?" I say frowning. What's happening?

"I know that. I thought it was something serious," she says still laughing.

"This is...serious," I say quietly. "And how did you know? I didn't even know until about 12 hours ago,"

"I've known ever since you moved schools, don't you think I realise the way you talk about Dan. The way you feel about him. Your eyes... They sparkle when you talk about him. I've never seen that before," she says the last bit quietly. Was it really that obvious?

"Oh. So you aren't upset?" I ask.

"I always knew what we had wouldn't last forever, you're amazing and great and I love you but I knew I'd lose you eventually. And I've come to terms with the fact that you weren't in love with me a long time ago. I've noticed the way you don't kiss me anymore and the way you look at me, more like a best friend than your girlfriend and it's fine, yes I love you and I'm kind of sad but more than that I want you to be happy. Don't worry Phil. Everything's alright," She says and she smiles at me and bumps my arm.

"Oh," well, that was a lot easier than expected.

"So what's up? I know there's something else," she says. Of course she knows. She always knows.

"This sixth sense thing you have is actually kind of creepy," I say.

"And you're avoiding the question Philip," she says popping the p on the end of my name.

"Don't call me Philip," I say laughing.

"Then answer the question," she says.

"It's Dan I guess but it doesn't matter. You don't have to worry about that," I say standing up.

"Philip Michael Lester, sit down. Right now," she says forcefully and I sigh and sit down and she smiles brightly at me. "Well done. Now tell me exactly what's up. I may not be your girlfriend anymore but I'm not losing you. I want to hear all about your boy trouble," she says and I can't help but smile at her. She really is perfect. Just not perfect for me.

"I think I messed it up. I like him. A lot I think. But I was so stupid and I've probably ruined any chance I did have," I say sadly.

"Don't be stupid. We'll figure this out. It's impossible not to fall for you anyway," she says and I smile sweetly at her. "What did you do anyway?" She asks and my heart sinks. I can't tell her. I cheated on her. Twice. I should've just left. Now she really will hate me. "It's okay Phil. I get it. So you kissed him?" She guesses.

"Why are you so prefect?" I ask, shaking my head. "You always know what's wrong and you're so kind and understanding and it makes me feel so much worse about hurting you," I say as my head falls into my hands. Her small hand lands on my shoulder.

"You're still my best friend, Phil. You aren't losing me. And I'm going to help you, with Dan," she says.

"Thank you so much, Jenny," I say leaning my head against her shoulder. "I'm so sorry,"

"I'm not," she says. "I want you to be happy. So it's fine. Right, now, Dan. Tell me everything,"

And so I do. I tell her about the night we met and how I saw him and loved the way he smiled and how cute and clumsy he was. And I asked him to dance and how much I liked his laugh and how beautiful his eyes were and so I kissed him. I think I saw her wince slightly when I mentioned that but she looked expectantly at me to carry on. I tell her about how he went to my new school and how we became really close friends and that I kissed him again. But felt so horrible about cheating that I just carried on as if nothing happened and how upset and angry he was when I told him about Jenny. And when I finished she just smiled and squeezed my hand.

"Okay. Well you idiot, we can sort this out," she says sweetly and again I feel so bad for hurting her. She doesn't deserve this. "What did you say to him? When he was upset?"

"I told him to come out with me and that I'll pick him up at 6, I wanted to explain but I needed to see you first," I explain quietly and she nods.

"Where are you going tonight?"

"I don't know. Probably the same club where we met," I say with a shrug.

"You're so sappy but okay. Well, here's the plan," and off she goes. Helping the person she loves to be with someone else and it just makes me love her more.