To Make You Fall In Love (Phan)

Chapter 18

DAN POV.

I get home and like a robot take off my shoes and coat and walk into the kitchen. I have a conversation with my mum but she gets fed up with my short answers and I go upstairs to my room with a bowl of malteasers.

Why would he kiss me if he had a girlfriend? How is that fair? To me? To her? Why did he have to confuse me so much? Why couldn't he have just been my friend and never made any of this complicated?

I groan and bury my face in the pillow. I guess I should be more sympathetic towards him with everything that's going on with his mum but he hurt me and I can't find it in me to do that. I decide to watch some Buffy to try and get my mind off him and it works for a while but he works his way back into my mind after a while and I decide I should just cancel tonight. To give me a chance to calm down and think about this all with more preservative. I'd see him on Monday and sort it all out then. I pick my phone up and quickly skip through my contacts and click on his name.

"You can't cancel," he says the second he picks up.

"How did you know I was going to cancel?" I say quietly frowning.

"I know you, Dan and you aren't cancelling. I need to talk to you," he says and for some reason he seems happy.

"I don't... I just. Can't we talk another time?" I ask.

"Nope. I'll see you at 6 Dan," he says and he disconnects the call. Well, that went great.

I decide that it's probably best to get it over with sooner rather than later and that the fates are trying to tell me something and then I decide that's stupid and carried on watching Buffy.

I get ready at about half five into skinny jeans, my black eclipse top and my leather jacket. I quickly straighten my hair and look at myself in the mirror.

Why do I even care what I look like? Phil doesn't care he's got a girlfriend. I sigh and leave my bedroom and run down the stairs just as the doorbell rings. I pull my shoes on and grab my keys and open the door.

"Hey Dan," Phil says and he smiles. Why did he have to smile? It makes it so much harder to be angry at him.

"Hey," I say quietly.

"Come on let's go," he says and we walk towards his car. I get in slowly. Being around him is confusing my emotions even more. It makes me like him even more but also be even more angry at him. I really hate feelings. They're the worst. I strap in and look out the window as Phil starts driving. It's quiet for a minute. "Her name is Jenny," he says. "She's 17. Her birthday is the 19th September. She has blon-"

"I don't need to know about her," I say.

"She has blonde hair and she was my best friend since I started school," Phil continues ignoring me "She's funny and kind and clever and kind of perfect," why was he doing this? It's just hurting me more. "But I'm not in love with her. Not even close. She's always going to be my best friend and I didn't realise this until you walked into my life. Well, fell," he says smiling. I stay quiet. "I don't know what it is Dan but for some reason I can't stop thinking about you. And I know I'm a horrible person, for kissing you when I had a girlfriend it was wrong and I felt so bad about it but I told her. And we talked and she forgives me but that doesn't matter that much to me. I want to know if you can forgive me. I get it if you can't, I led you on and that was a really shitty thing to do. But I like you Dan. Probably more than is safe because I don't want to be hurt. But I don't care," he says as the car pulls to a stop outside the club where we met for the first time.

My thoughts are spinning. He likes me? He doesn't have a girlfriend anymore? She forgave him? She had even more reason to be angry and if she can forgive him, I should be able to as well, right? I look at his eyes and they're so uncertain. So questioning. He looks like he's given up hope on my saying anything positive. And that hurts. I'm still mildly annoyed but I'm happy too.