Ash’s pov
It’d been 3 days since my surgery now, I was finally being released, with crutches and back on my antidepressants. Shaun smiled the whole drive back to his house, but we stopped in at the shopping centre. Instead of doing the whole big trek into there with me being totally inexperienced at using my crutches Shaun went in, promising he’d get everything to make me feel at home at his house.
He came back half an hour later carrying several plastic bags and a paper bag sticking out of his pocket. He was really making an effort, he’d bought almost everything I would ever need, including the more personal and awkward items like tampons and razors. I giggled immaturily at the look on his face, as he saw I’d noticed the little box. ‘yes and before you ask they were absoulety awkward as fuck to buy so you’re lucky I love you’
Cue the whole kiss and fireworks thing that happens at romantic moments like this in movies. There may not have been fireworks but the kiss was as sweet as it would have been in a movie.
When we got back to his house, it felt more like home then anywhere I’d been in the last week or so. It felt more like home then when I was at my parents house, but then again that place hadn’t been home in so long. He’d spent this morning in an interview and magazine shoot so at the very least he was looking half respectable. By now it was after 4, but Shaun wouldn’t let me help him out with cooking dinner so instead i checked my emails and such until dinner was ready. Then we watched DVDs. Then I went upstairs to his room to find something I’d left behind. I found it sitting on the shelf that I figured held his most treasured things, it was the book that I’d written everything in over the whole nightmare. Sitting on his bed, I started leafing through the pages, some of the stuff was utterly scary. The drops of blood, the vivid way the words and feelings just shot off the page. It was exactly how I felt the night I crashed the car, so utterly desperate and so so out of control of my feelings.
I didn’t realise Shaun had came in until I started crying, the tears sliding down my face in a far too familiar way. He wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me, kissing my neck. When the tears stopped and I could turn around and face him he wasn’t laughing, he just hugged me closer and kissed me harder. I was really getting into it but when he edged his hand up the back of my shirt I started to tense up. I broke the kiss off and tried to explain it ‘I’m sorry, I love you and I want this so much but I… I don’t know if I can do it..’
‘just relax, try and let go of the past and just let it happen ash’ I trusted him so I tried. I wanted this so bad, so I let go of my feelings and let him pull me closer.
I guess you could say things got really really heated, but when he unbuttoned his jeans I froze again.
‘no. This has to be done properly Shaun.’ I couldn’t stop thinking about the rape, the pregnancy, the pain of losing my virginity. But Shaun produced the paper bag I’d seen in his pocket earlier. ‘I know, luckily I’m prepared…
