ash’s pov
Shaun. Imogen. Shaun and imogen. Imogen and Shaun. Again. Why did this keep happening and why did I fall for him over and over again when I knew that he’d do this.
I thought I’d passed this. I thought i’d gotten past this stage of the craving to cut into my flesh everytime shit went wrong.
But for now, I was drunk, insane, in tears and confused and I honestly did not give a shit about the consequences. But I didn’t want to cut in andys house, it was so wrong to do this. But I had to get the release somehow. It was like an addiction, crawling around my mind, filling in every gap of my thoughts with the craving for release.
Just over an hour ago everything had been perfect, or as close as possible. Me and Eddie had sorted out some of our problems and I had been good. That was before.
that was why I was running, faster and faster, stumbling and tripping with my head pounding towards the direction of shauns house. Luckily he lived so close to Andy because I couldn’t hold these feelings in much longer.
I had his key in the back pocket of my jeans, I jammed it in the key hole and slammed the door shut behind me. I got to the bathroom just in time to burst into tears and totally break down, this was such an all so familiar feeling. I had my knife, the one I’d had when I was with Eddie, the one that hurt the most.
I drew it across my wrists, crying with relief as the blood trickled warm down my palm.
Relief. Relief. Blackness.
“ASH FUCK ASH DON’T DO THIS!!” floating in blackness was far to peaceful, I could ignore the shit that had been happening. My head hurt so much, I was so tired. “ASH!”
No go away, I dont want to talk to you. The blackness was far nicer…
“ash it’s Eddie, please wake up please” That one threw me, I couldn’t hurt him again. I had to wake up, I had to push through the black.
His face swam above my eyes, the light was stinging and my head was absolutely thumping. “Eddie…” “my god ash. You scared me” the relief in his voice reassured me that maybe, just maybe everything was going to be okay between us.
Half an hour later I was sitting on the spare bed in shauns house, sipping tea with Eddie, side by side with makeshift bandages over my wrists. “ash you terrified me.”
“you’re calling me ash again?”
He thought for a few seconds and screwed up his forhead “I guess so”
“things are never going to be the same again, are they?”
“I wish, but I don’t think so. I still like you ash.”
We talked until we both passed out, fully clothed and squished up on a single bed. I just didn’t want to be so confused any more. Why was nothing ever easy?
