Ash's pov
I could hear voices, floating down the hallway, angry and broken, loud and tired. Ignoring them wasn't easy, but I didn't want to hear what they were saying. As usual, it'd be about me. They'll be arguing over me, just like everyone else does.
Could this morning get worse? Yeah Shaun was my boyfriend, well theoretically he was supposed to be.. And at the moment Eddie had become my best friend. They weren't supposed to be arguing, fighting and throwing verbal abuse back and forward.
My head was crazy, a tangled mess of broken thought chains and voices, all screaming to be paid attention. But I didn't have the attention span, not today. The voices were getting louder, angrier. I just couldn't take this any more, I needed to get out. The air seemed thick and hard to breathe in, crashing around in my chest. I didn't even bother to neaten myself up, I just let my face keep looking awful, and my hair being messy in it's top knot.
In my rush to get out without being noticed I kicked my toe on the stair, swearing grumpily I slammed the door on my way out.
Jumpnow was the only person I could think of who could understand, I called him up and arranged to meet at a cafe. I got there early, and sitting there by myself was so hard. Holding myself together was getting harder and harder, just trying to keep it together was getting insane.
When he arrived I wrapped my arms around him and just let go, I could feel I was crying, but I didn't really care. After about 5 minutes we let go, jumpnow smiled awkwardly and led me to a table in the corner.
It occurred to me that I didn't really know that much about jumpnow, we didn't really ever get a chance to talk enough to be able to understand each other. So over coffee and pancakes we talked, just about random things that had no insignificance to anyone except us I guess. But when the conversation turned to last night, I just clammed up. Jumpnow looked as mucked up as I felt. I guess he was just as affected as I was, after all Imogen was his girlfriend.
We were sitting in the cafe for about an hour before we didn't have an excuse to sit around anymore, but I had no intention of going back to shauns just yet. And judging by the look on jumpnows face he didn't want to go back either, so we ended up walking together. There isn't much in budgewoi as I was finding out fast, but we walked any way. It was just a distraction. I got lost in my thoughts, and jumpnow was quiet so I guess he was lost in his.
Last night wouldn't leave me alone, i really thought I'd gotten over this addiction, this pain and cravings. Shauns voice just kept spinning around mixed in with the sounds of parties, driving me crazy until I couldn't take the noise any more.
"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!!"
It took me a minute to figure out that I hadn't just screamed that in my head but out loud too. Beside me jumpnow was looking confused, and really awkward. I guess it was lucky we never really got to know each other, he didn't know how screwed I was mentally.
"sorry" I tried for a shaky smile, it worked to the extent that he smiled slightly back, and we sort of just forgot that the last few minutes never happened.
I stayed with jumpnow for a few hours, he was a distraction and slowly becoming another person I could call a best friend figure. Just like Eddie, and just like aleesha. It felt so good to have people I could trust, and I was going to try as hard as I could to hold onto them.
The first thing that happened when I walked through shauns door was Shaun threw his arms around my neck.
"ashimsodamnsorryithoughtyoudgoneforever"
Sometimes being impossible to understand is for the best.
I looked up at him, he looked tired and pale, and he didn't seem to care that he had a tear slowly falling down his cheek. He looked so vulnerable for someone who was usually so confident.
"forgive me please ash. Please?"
His voice cracked and he let another tear fall.
I wanted to forgive him so much, but could I?
