Shaun’s POV
My brain was blank. She was gone and Jimmy had known who had killed her for years. It was all I could think about. Without Ash, I dont think I would have coped, she made me eat and have a shower. She insisted on sitting in the bathroom while I was in there, she didn’t say and I didn’t ask but I knew it was to make sure I didnt try kill myself. After I was dressed, I sat on the lounge, staring into nowhere. Melodie hadn’t even meant that much to me but she was all that was on my mind. About 2am, Ash snapped ‘SHAUN DONALD PATRICK DIVINEY, get it together. I know your upset, I know your hurting and you dont want me to see how much but blocking me out ISN’T helping anyone’. She sat down next to me, saying ‘I do know how you feel when I was told my uncle had killed his son, I was just like you are now. I locked myself away, wouldn’t sleep, wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t talk. It ended up nearly killing me Shaun. I tried to kill myself but I ended up in hospital on a drip. I can’t watch you do this. Not when you have so much to live for. After everything you have done for me’.
By the time she stopped talking, she was in tears and I wanted to hold her and tell her it was ok but I couldn’t move. A couple of stupid tears escaped my hold on them, Ash kissed me but I couldnt kiss back. She grabbed her phone and with one last look at me, she went into another room. I could hear her talking but I couldnt make out words, I heard her walking and turning the tap on in the kitchen. A few minutes later, she handed me a cup of water and a little white tablet ‘Please take it. Jumpnow and Imogen agree that you need sleep or you’re going to go crazy on me’ ‘What is it?’ my voice was all broken from not using it. ‘It’s a sleeping tablet, they gave me a couple for when I had nightmares and couldn’t sleep. It’s not strong enough to hurt you. Promise.’ I swallowed the tablet. She pulled me up by the hands and hugged me hard before leading me into bed, she lay down next to me tracing swirls on my arm until a while later, when everything went black. When the blackness faded and my eys opened, Ash was the first thing I saw. I was still so tired. I wanted another tablet. I wanted to sleep until all this went away. ‘Whats the time?’ I mumbled stretching and turning towards her.
‘Quarter past one, in the afternoon, you needed sleep’. Shit. I felt trapped inside myself, so utterly weak. Why was this affecting me so much? I wanted to curl up and die but Ash had other plans. She made me get changed and eat but after that it was silent. ‘Shaun come on, don’t do this to me again, I can’t watch you like this anymore. You know I can’t help cutting when I can’t handle things’ she was shaking and crying again. It didn’t even register in my mind that she needed me. A knock on the door broke the silence, echoed around the whole room. Ash was at the door in a heartbeat throwing it open ‘You’re here. Please do SOMETHING. He wont listen’ Jimmy stepped inside and hugged her quickly ‘It’s all good, Ash. I’ll fix him’ then she was gone. I heard shae’s voice so at least she wasn’t alone, she didn’t have to hear this. Jimmy stepped into the kitchen ‘Look man, STOP THIS SHIT. You have 3 shows to play in a week to thousands of fans who line up for hours to see you. If Mel was here, do you really think she would let you do this because of her, you can’t rely on your girlfriend’s tablets to sleep. you can’t do this to Ash’. Shocked by the tone of his voice, I retaliated ‘I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT. WATCH ME. Mel supported me more than you ever will.’ Anger flashed in Jimmy’s eyes and he punched me ‘YOU THINK THIS ISN’T HURTING ME. YOU THINK LIVING, KNOWING MY OWN STUPID COUSIN DID THIS DIDNT KILL ME? GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF. LOOK WHAT YOUR DOING TO ASH. SHE IS SO CUT UP OVER HOW AFFECTED YOU ARE BY MY DEAD GIRLFRIEND. She needs YOU, Shaun’.
The message finally got through and I felt whole again. I rubbed at the blood dripping from my lip. He had good aim. Ash; she bought me back to earth, I played what she had said to me over in my head. The kisses, the fear, the blood. We were stronger than this. I had to focus on us. ‘Ash needs me! where is she?’ Jimmy smiled ‘good man’. At least, he wasn’t angry anymore. We found Ash and Shae at the beach, I sat next to Ash and before she had a chance to talk, I pressed my lips to hers. I could taste the blood so I knew she could as well, but she didnt pull away. ‘Ash, I’m so sorry. I promise you will never see me like that again. Love you.’ She smiled for the first time since the party ‘love you too, but your blood tastes like crap’. She leant over and messed up my hair but for once, I didn’t care. I just left it. ‘I taste like crap?’ I teased her. Jimmy left with Shae so we walked back up the beach towards my house.
I held her close the whole way keeping my fingers tangled in hers. She was more important to me than anything else right now and I wasn’t about to lose her that fast. After dinner, we watched some random movie on tv but I wasn’t paying much attention and either was she. ‘what did Jimmy say to change her mind?’ she asked for the first time. ‘you needed me’ I muttered and kissed her again
