well, hi. shit. this is chapter 100. wow. i never thought i’d stick with writing this so long, it started as a distraction but you’ve all made it so much more.
when i get more than 3 comments and 5 notes it makes me feel so so good.
so this chapter is for every one of you 52 followers, every reader, every single person who comments and makes me smile like a nut.
everyone of you make my day with your comments.
thankyou. especially to chrissy, shes been with me for ever, and shes such an amazing person.
so enjoy, thankyou for being with me through this.
Shauns pov
This had made me realize how fragile life really was, how easily it could be broken or taken away. The responsibility that had been shoved onto me was overwhelming, I had no clue how to organize a funeral or anything. Last night I’d barely slept, I couldn’t clear my mind enough to sleep and truthfully, I didn’t want to sleep. If I slept I could kid myself that everything was okay, but you always have to wake up. And when I woke up reality would hurt a hundred times more than if I stayed away and miserable.
Watching the sun rise was something that people never bothered to do, but if you took the time it was truly gorgeous.
Regret was still spilling through my veins, hot and burning at my heart. As much as I hated to admit it I had taken what we had for granted, and it’d been a deathly mistake.
My phone was ringing somewhere, the sound muffled and warped, and my mouth tasted like crap.
My neck was stiff, and my eyes were all dry and crusty.
When I stood up it felt like I’d lost the ability to balance, my head spun and as I stumbled up the stairs my stomach jumped around. The last time I’d eaten was yesterday morning and I was really feeling it now.
The hot water of the shower didn’t help, it made me even more light headed and dizzy, and thumped down on my sore muscles. But the familiar scent of my shampoo sent a wave of nostalgia through my stomach. As stupid as it was instead of my clothes I put on her hoodie, and skinny leg tracksuit pants,breathing in the smell. It sent another wave of nostalgia through me, tears stung at my eyes again, I’d totally given up on being a tough guy so I let them fall.
A knock echoed through the house, making me jump and snap out of my state.
I forgot I was wearing ash’s clothes and that my hair was sticking up worse than it had when I’d woken up, and answered the door anyway. It turned out to be bradie, the look on his face when he saw me hurt. After knowing bradie for so long we’d gone past awkward, I’d seen him naked and he’d seen parts of me he didn’t want to see.
He hugged me, quick and light but it did reassure me that everything might be okay.
“what happened?”
“shes gone bradie. Gone”
“I’m so sorry Shaun”
Things went sort of blurry and time seemed to pass without me having any control over it. Next thing I knew I was sitting on the lounge with a cup of coffee cradled in my hands, bradie across from me with a concerned look on his face.
I didn’t show him the letter, that was far to personal, even if I had known him for ever.
“look at yourself Shaun, we’re going on tour in two days, you’re a total mess. You need to pull it together”
The tone he used was the sort of tone that is usually used with tantrum throwing kids, to calm them down. I guess I was acting like a kid with a tantrum, but to have him speak to me like I was hurt.
“I know okay I’m a fucking mess but I can’t pull it together yet I need a few days please”
“alright but you have to tell people. You can’t keep death a secret Shaun”
Blah blah blah. His words were starting to turn into lava, bubbling through my head and almost sending me crazy. It was pissing me off and I was about to slap him, I had to get out.
“I’m sorry” I choked out before dropping the cup and running. There was a garden shed in the garden, from the last people to live here.
I climbed up and put my head in my hands, what was happening to me, I was so damn angry.
“Shaun you can’t run away from this you have to face it”
“stay away bradie, I need to be alone”
He took a step towards me, slowly like I was dangerous.
“Shaun you need to talk”
Boom. The volcano burst, and the lava spewed out.
“STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME BRADIE I NEED TO BE FUCKING ALONE!!!” the loudness of my voice scared me, but he took the hint.
“you know where I am, bye Shaun.”
Then he was gone, leaving me alone on top of the shed.
