Ash’s pov
It was late afternoon by now, and the sky was fading to it’s usual fairy floss colors. My head was clearing and my hangover fading, but the sky defied my dark mood. Usually, it’d be beautiful, but not today. Not with so much in my mind. The conversation I’d just had with jumpnow made me realize, that existing was cancer, and sometimes death is the only cure. It was sick and twisted, and that some people are just crises from the word go. That humanity really was screwed and it wasn’t worth it. That’s why I was walking down to the river bank, it was the only private place I knew around here, with a notebook and pen in hand. I had a million excuses drifting through my mind. This place, was the only place I could really think straight in at the moment, and I needed my mind crystal clear for this.
I could feel the tears already starting, as I put the pen to paper.
“dear Shaun……..”
Half an hour later I had a 3 page letter in my lap, decorated with tears and smudgy pen marks. I hadn’t felt so desperate in so very long, and this was driving me out of my mind. But there was one more thing I had to do. “dear Eddie..” i started again, the tears already dripping onto the almost blank paper. By the time I had the two letters infront of me the tears were coming thick, and fast. I couldn’t resist them any more, and just cried.
My phone vibrated with a message in my pocket, and I knew exactly what it would say. Just like the other 4 I’d got today, it’d say “I’m coming to see you, we have unfinished business” who knows how he found me, but all I knew was that he was coming and I couldn’t stop it.
I snuck to shauns and left the letter on his front porch, and eddies left there too with a note asking for Shaun to give it to him.
I had to face this, and there was no turning back.
‘okay where do you want me?’
There was an instant reply, and it sent chills down my spine.
‘budgewoi hall’
‘okay see you in five…. Dad’
I left my phone next to shauns letter, I didn’t want it anymore, I didn’t want anyone to know what I was doing. Everything seemed blurry then, and time passed as if I was the only one who had any control over things. But when I slipped inside the hall my spine got sharp pains up it and my stomach dropped. I wasn’t scared of what was going to happen, I was scared of facing who was inside.
The door clicked shut behind me, and instantly I was folded up in a too tight hug, smelling of sweat and cigarettes which enveloped me until I couldn’t breathe.
“… Hi dad” my voice broke and I started crying. Again.
We spoke for a long time, he smirked and nodded and nauseated me further with each word, I was starting to regret not just doing what he was going to do myself.
Why didn’t I just give in when ages ago?
“ash baby I love you so much. I want us to be together” If he’d said it like a father it wouldn’t have been so bad, but he said it in a awful tone. Which stirred my stomach and that was the last straw.
“YOU DIRTY BASTARD. IM 18 DAD, AND I DON’T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!” he jumped at my voice, and reacted instantly, pushing me against the wall and knocking my head. But I could still feel my jeans being unzipped, I felt him rape me. Again, and again. Groaning with pleasure and hurting me. Before I could stop myself I threw up all over him, I couldn’t cope with what he was doing. It just made me feel so sick, and I knew it was wrong.
“YOU DIRTY BITCH!!” he yelled and shoved me harder against the wall, and pulling something out of his pocket. The cold metal of it pressed against my head, and I could hear him laughing.
“any last words slut. I can tell you’ve had sex since we last met”
“I fucking hate you and you’ll never ever be my father” I spat at him before I heard a bang.
And everything was black. And soundless
