eddies pov
Usually drunk people don’t really have dreams, or if they do they’re a drunken haze of shapes and voices. Or so i’ve heard, usually I didn’t get so drunk I passed out.
But tonight I was passed out yet so aware of my surroundings. I could hear ash breathing beside me, she’d fallen asleep curled up on the same single bed as me and I didn’t want to leave her alone so I’d just given in to exhaustion right there. But I was so aware of every move she made, every faulter in her breathing. It was so weird. My head was all fuzzy from the alcohol but I remembered every detail of tonight, even the bits I’d rather not have in my head. Some of them played over and over, spinning around and around until it clicked and I realised that I was falling for ash again. But that wasn’t somewhere I wanted to go, I didn’t even know if I could. What if this happened, what if that happened and such questions kept going around in circles through my head until I fell fully un-conscious.
* * * * * * *
my eyes flicked open and I was standing alone again, it was late afternoon and everyone had left school. I was standing awkwardly outside the girls bathroom trying to rev myself up to go in there. Most guys enjoy sneaking into girls bathrooms in hope they’ll see something but instead i didn’t want to see anything. Because I knew what I was going to see. Blood, tears, that knife. I had to go in.
She was on the floor, leaning against the wall trying to hold scraps of tissue soaked scarlet to her arms, trying to hide the truth from me. I lifted her up, and wrapped my arms around her, hoping I could help. Just be there. The scene flashed and changed, and we were in the park. The winter sun was struggling through the clouds and we were both wrapped in coats. The wind was tugging at my hair, it felt so real it was insane. I lifted her sleeves up to reveal zig zags of angry red lines, still so new and only Judy stopping bleeding. She was crying, apologizing over and over.
Then the scene changed again, it was dark and the light was fluorescent and artificial. I knew where I was, shauns bathroom tonight. The red on the floor was vivid and the marks on her wrists were bleeding immensely.
My breath caught suddenly and I really did snap my eyes open, it was daylight now, but very early. Ash was still next to me, curled up and one of her wrists was showing, the makeshift bandage falling off to reveal last nights damage.
It was just a dream, but looking at her now, I knew it was a dream with a message, a reason. I just couldn’t figure out what it was.
I lay awake trying to think, despite being awake half the night I just couldn’t get back to sleep, the sun was getting brighter by the minute and hurting more and more, until I couldn’t stand it and had to get up to close the curtain. I was busting to pee so I crept out of the room, making sure to be quiet and found the bathroom. We’d been to drunk to clean last night and it totally spun me out, that knife. She was still using it. I peed as fast as I could and got out of there, it felt like the air was disappearing rapidly and choking me. I snuck back into bed beside ash and tried to sleep, eventually sleep came
