ashs pov
I woke up to Eddie moving, I felt every move he made because of the fact we were still all these hours later sharing a single bed. I didn’t want to open my eyes, I could already feel the after affects of the alcohol I’d had last night. I felt the bed move again and head footsteps creeping towards the other side of the room. And then they were gone. My wrists were stinging and i could feel that they hadn’t closed up yet, it was starting to really hurt. I got lost in my own thoughts again until footsteps coming back brought me back to full alert. The scent of fresh ground coffee was pulling me from my attempts of sleeping again.
The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was Eddie, he looked terrible. Then again, I was pretty sure I didn’t look to good either.
I accepted the mug off him and sat up slowly, feeling the blood go to my head.
We sat in silence for a while, sipping coffee and each of us being lost in our own thoughts.
Mine weren’t good thoughts. Before I even realised I was crying again, salty tears stinging my cracked lips. As soon as Eddie noticed he was next to me, he had his arm around my shoulder and let me lean on him.
I expected it to be way more awkward then it was, infact it wasn’t awkward at all.
We stayed like that for a few minutes, just trying to pretend everything was okay until I couldn’t pretend any more.
“you really need a shower Ed”
“you’re calling me Ed again?” he was quoting me, which was pretty funny.
“I guess so. Now, shower. Bathrooms that way..” I pointed to the left and winced as my wrist stretched out, I could feel the wound re opening. Ouch.
As soon as I heard the water turn on indicating that he was busy for at least 15 minutes I broke down again. Why did everything keep going wrong? The tears falling down my cheeks stung, but eventually I just couldn’t cry any more. Instead I pulled on a pair of skinnies and a pull over sweater, tying my hair into a top knot. Cooking breakfast was the only thing I could think of to say sorry for everything I did, so I set out mixing scrambled egg mixture and making more coffee.
We ate our breakfast out on the patio, it was early afternoon by now so I guess it was lunch instead.
“ash I like you. More than I should, and I dont think it’s ever going to be the same between us is it?”
“I don’t think so. I’m sorry” I sighed and realised what was going to come next.
“you have to talk to Shaun”
“I know..”
“he’ll be here soon.. I kind of called him..”
“shit Ed we didn’t clean the bathroom! He’s going to freak”
He gave me the smile that could melt ice, the one he knew would sway me.
“I’ll clean up in there okay ash? You just stay here and please don’t be stupid?”
“thankyou. I promise”
He squeezed my hand lightly and disappeared from view, I put the dishes in the sink and went back up stairs to lie down again. I was so dizzy, cutting always left me like this, I knew it wasn’t good. But I couldn’t help it.
Remembering everything Shaun had done wasn’t helping, it was all just spinning around my head until I was for too dizzy and sat down.
Could I forgive him? He’d done so much for me. But I didn’t know weather I’d be able to let this go. Not this time
