shauns pov
Someone planting an idea in your head can have two effects, either you will get totally positive and convinced that everything will be okay. Or, you can get overly negative and be convinced nothing will ever be okay again. Luckily for me the idea Eddie had planted in my head this morning was having a positive effect. After recovering enough to get up and eat, I'd spent the rest of my afternoon trying to fix things up, working on an idea that might mend my relationship with ash. She still wasn't back, and I was starting to think she'd left me when someone knocked on the door and broke me out of my trance. It was Jimmy, he was just checking on me, or so he said. He only stayed a few minutes, he looked pretty happy and said shae was waiting for him. When he'd been gone for a few minutes, in which time the house had time to sink back into a desolate silence again, I noticed what Jimmy had left on the table. It was an envelope, with my name on the front in ash's big loopy writing. And, her phone? Something was very very wrong. I read the letter, my fingers trembled and my throat was aching. "dear Shaun..... First of all I want you to know that I forgive you, and I'm so so sorry for ever getting you entangled with my life..." that part was easy to make out, the rest was smudged but I could read most of the words. By the time I finished the room was spinning again, nauseating me, making my palms sweat and pulling at reality. It was a suicide letter.
She was gone.
Her phone buzzed on the bench, and I ignored the call, it was someone I'd never heard of. I couldn't help myself looking through her messages, even though my heart thumped with each button I pressed.
No, she'd given in to her father, and everything she swore she wouldn't do. No. The second I found where she'd gone to meet him I was out the door, despite the fact I was in pajama pants and a random shirt. It took me just as long to realize I was in no state to drive, but I didn't care. Nothing else mattered, nothing except getting there in time. The wheels skidded across the rough surface of the road, ripping into the tread on my tires.
The hall was dark, but really obviously empty, it was like all the life had been sucked out of the building. I knew this place better than the back of my hand, having been here for so many reasons over the past few years. So I turned on the light, and that really really made me wish I didn't.
Usually blood didn't faze me at all, but the darkness on the floor made me have to swallow back bile. It really felt like we were the only two people on earth, and I couldn't control my actions at all. That's why instead of just calling 000 I ran up to her, trying to blow air into her. But it was too late, she was colder than ice, and nothing I could do would force air into her lungs. The blood was still trickling slightly out of her head wound, and I couldn't even bare to try and remove whatever was lodged in there. Tears stung my eyes, and as much as I didn't want to let myself cry I did anyway. Grown men don't cry, but who said I was grown up?
The whole scene was almost surreal, every noise I made echoed around the empty room and came back to me. By now, I was past trying to be strong, I let the sobs come. Deep and heavy, they hurt my chest, hearing myself sent shivers down my spine. About grown men not crying? That's just ego. Ash had joked around so much telling me if my ego got any bigger I'd float of the ground, but now just remembering that sent a new wave of sobs shuddering out of my throat. It was freezing in here, and ash was icy against me. I couldn't keep the shudders and tears at bay, I just tried to cuddle into ash. I was so exhausted I must of fallen into sleep, shivering and still crying, with so much whirling through my mind. Ash. Gone. Forever.
