Love Me Instead

Twenty-two

"Finally!" Bungad ni JC sa Skype. I can't help but grin. I missed him so much.

"I've been very busy these past few days." I suddenly wanna go back to New York and be a student again. I miss my friends and family there. I will definitely visit them sometimes.

"I can see that. What's up?"

"Alam mo ba, mom wanted me to design for her hotel! with Samuel! we're currently working on it now. Naibigay ko na kanina ang designs sa manufacturer, which is ang company nila Samuel. Medyo nahihirapan din ako sa project na ito kasi I have to go beyond my capability. I am pushing myself harder. Awkward din kasi kasi I had a big fight with mom. Ngayon nga ay bumukod na ako and I--"

"Woah! woaaah, slow down. Really, you moved out?" napangiti ako, I didn't even notice I was blabbering.

"Yes. I couldn't stay there any longer. If they can't stand me, I can't stand them either. They make me feel worse..."

"Well, that's good! You can have sex with anyone, anytime." umirap ako. He's at it again. Same old horny  JC.

"You badly need Jesus," tinawanan lamang ako ni JC.

"So yeah you moved out, and then? Were you able to make Sam 'fall for you'?" ngumuso ako. I am debating against myself kung sasabihin ko ba. This would be a long talk. But I don't mind! I missed talking to him. Pero gusto ko sana na siya naman ang magbalita sa akin kung ano na ang nangyayari doon. Kung kamusta na sila.

"No, actually..." I paused and look at him on the screen waiting for me to go on. "I think I like someone else."

He laughed. Hard. Kumunot ang noo ko. "Good thing nagising ka na!"

Naningkit ang mga mata ko. He supported me before! Such a plastic cousin! Tinaas niya ang kamay niya, "Don't get me wrong, I liked Sam. But I have come to the realization that he is not healthy for you. He is not worth the time of a beautiful lady. You could do better. You need someone who will cherish and look out for you. I thought he could learn to love you too, given that you are not hard to love, hell if you weren't my cousin--"

"Yuck!" tumawa siya ng malakas ngunit nagpatuloy lang din sa sinsabi.

"I know he will love you, eventually. But you do not have to go through this kind of pain and loneliness. If I was there, I would surely punch the life out of him. We've taken care of you here, I can't bear to see how the people there failed to look out for you and treated you like trash. Don't give me that 'if you love someone, fight for them' shit because why would you fight for someone who wouldn't want to stay by your side and fight with you. He is not for you. It's okay to fight for someone but at least find someone worth it. I don't like it when someone hurts you. No matter what reason."

"Nothing worth having comes easy. You have to go through pain to reach happiness." inirapan ako ni JC. I just sighed, I know i'm never winning against him.

"Bullshit. You shouldn't fight for a battle that isn't yours. Pain is worth it only if it's from the right person."

"How are you going to find out if he or she is the right person if you wouldn't try?"

"Sure, you try. But if you already know he or she isn't the one, let it go. There are still billions of people, people whom you failed to acknowledge because you were too busy fighting for something that isn't for you. The right person couldn't bear seeing you in pain." umiling lang ako. Hindi niya alam kasi hindi niya pa nasubukan. I can't wait to see him smitten.

"You will know how it feels... someday." siya naman ang umiling.

"I will never be a slave of love. I will never be in thrall to my emotions. Self-worth is everything."