Heiresses to Gangsters

Chapter 48: Ang drama natin

CHRIS

"Sohe," nilingon ko si Bea na kinukulit si Sohe. "Gutom na ko."

Inalis ni Sohe ang tingin niya sa TV. "Hm? Gusto niyo ng pizza?" Tumango kaming lahat.

"Sige, order lang ako."

"Walang kanin?" Natahimik kaming lahat ng magsalita si Jaz. Awkward.

Umubo si Sohe para mawala ang tensyon. "Um, wala kasi akong time para magluto." Nagisip siya. "Meron akong instant noodles, candy, wine, coffee, at tea."

Umirap si Bea. "That's so unhealthy!" Tumayo siya, "Sohe, bibili tayo ng ingredients. Chris ikaw magluto."

Tinuro ko sarili ko, "Why me?"

"Because your cooking is superb. Let's go." Hinila na nito si Sohe papalabas.

Kumaway si Jaz. "Bilhan niyo ko ng chocolate!"

They took one last glance before shutting the door close.

I stared at the girl before me. She didn't change, her physical appearance I mean, bukod sa mahaba niyang buhok na dati ay shoulder length lang. It's been, what? Four or five years? It's been so long.

Ang dami kong gustong itanong. Kamusta na siya? Anong nangyari? Bakit? I missed her, I can't deny that. She's like a sister to me, to us. But how could she? Hindi niya ba nararamdaman ang guilt? Hindi manlang siya nagpaalam. Nawala siya na parang bula.

"It's rude to stare."

Napatingin ako sa kaniya na ngayon ay nakatingin rin sa'kin. Umiwas ako ng tingin, which I don't usually do.

"It's like holding a glass of water, the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

"What?"

Pinause niya ang laro at tumingin sa mga mata ko. Her eyes are dull and I didn't miss the dark circles under her eyes. Nakaramdam ako ng awa. Has she been suffering all along? Or am I just assuming things again?

"Guilt I mean. Palala ito ng palala. I think I'll die if this continues," she sighed. "Pinagsisisihan ko ang ginawa ko, Chris."

Tumalon ang puso ko sa tuwa. She said it. She actually said it. It means lahat ng sinabi niya sa Bataan noon ay hindi totoo. She cares for us.

"At an early age, I saw them do drugs, torture people, and even kill." Pumikit siya, "They say that it's what they do, that it's normal for them—us. It's what we do; we kill people. I've already killed at an early age. It's a cruel childhood."

I covered my mouth. Pity and sadness. That's the words to describe my feelings.

She shook her head and raised her hand. "No need to pity me. I got what I deserved. I thank you, though, for ending his life. Kung hindi mo 'yon ginawa malamang patuloy pa rin ako sa—"

Before she could finish, I stopped her. "It's okay. I know." Bumuntong hininga ako.

Ngumiti siya at sumandal sa sofa.

"Noong limang taong gulang na ako, binigay nila ako sa bahay ampunan para hindi mo pagdudahan ang apelyido ko na 'Lee.' They just gave me away like that. My real father, he always goes to the orphanage just to see if I'm already adopted. He said that soon I will meet my cousin. Sinabi niya na pag inampon na ako makikita ko pa siya pero dapat magpanggap ako na hindi ko siya kilala. I didn't understand but I did it anyways.

After a few months I'm immediately adopted by the Miguels. One time on a business meeting, I came with mr. Miguel. It it turns out that your mother was one of their investors. I saw you and your real mother for the first time, do you remember?" Tumango ako.

"Every weekend, my dad stops by the Miguels' house, magkababatang kaibigan pala sila ni mr. Miguel. Tuwing walang nakatingin, tinatanong niya ako kung ano ang ginagawa mo. Hindi ko alam ang ginagawa ko. Akala ko normal lang yun, pero habang lumalaki ako at nadadagdagan ang kaalaman ko, kinukwestyon ko na ang ginagawa ko. Tama pa ba ito? I thought. Dahil simula ng magkakilala tayo alam na nila ang ginagawa mo. I was their eyes."

Kinuyom ko ang kamao ko.

Tumango siya, "Planado na ang lahat; simula ng ibigay nila ako sa bahay ampunan. They knew the Miguels needed a heir to their fortunes and they knew that they would choose me. And maybe they knew that you were somehow connected with the Miguels. Alam nila ang lahat ng nangyari sa buhay mo. Simula ng magkakilala tayo. Matagal na nilang alam na naging gangster ka at ang rason kung bakit."

My heart sank. All the things that I did, they knew it all. All the efforts Sohe did to hide any personal information about me was useless. All along I was playing the game my father created. I feel so stupid.

Pero tapos na ang lahat. Even though I played the way my father wanted me to, he lost and I won. He's dead and I'm not.

"Sa loob ng limang taon na nawala ako, nagsisi ako, Chris. No matter how many times I cried and seek for forgiveness, my sins cannot be undone. I killed them. I killed even the innocent. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Chris." She started wiping her tears so I hugged her.

She's been hiding it all along. All these years, whenever she has a problem she will laugh it away like it doesn't matter. Sa lahat ng taon na magkasama kami, wala siyang pinagsabihan tungkol sa bagay na ito. And we were just an inch away, we never really asked her what's the problem. She will always say that it was okay then laugh. It must have been hard for her. What kind of a friend am I?

I was so stubborn and selfish. I have been thinking about myself. But they still stayed. Well, except for one though. Siguro ito ang dahilan kaya nawala sila sa akin noon. Dahil makasarili ako. But I've changed. I am now an adult.

After I have killed my father, I was able to live a normal life. But the weight of killing a person is haunting me every night. I regret what I did. I realized no matter how much I want to turn back the time, I simply cannot. Sometimes I wonder, if I wasn't clouded by my anger, if I didn't despise him that much; will I be able to talk it out with him? Will we be having a good family bonding?

Sa tingin ko pareho lang kami ng sitwasyon ni Jaz, ang ipinagkaiba nga lang ay marami na siyang... pinaslang habang ako ay isa. Pareho kaming may mabigat na pasahin. Pareho rin kaming madumi na ang kamay at hindi na kailanman malilinis. All I can do right now is to hug and sympathize with her.

"Ang drama natin," tawa niya at siyaka siya pumiglas sa pagkakayakap.

She smiled then continued playing like nothing happened.

This is what I hate about life. Why can't people be happy? No problems, no tears. Just a peaceful world with happy people enjoying their peaceful life. But then life is not ideal, it will never be ideal. Pain demands to be felt. You need to bleed just to know you're alive. You need to suffer from challenges just for you to learn. For you to be brave. And for you to be smarter.