Steal Your Heart

Chapter 29: Regrets

AXEL

"I'm going to fucking kill you!" bungad ko sa kanya at agad ko siyang idiniin sa pader gamit ang hawak kong bass guitar. "I swear, I'm going to do it with my hands and this guitar!" mariin kong sabi at nakita kong napahawak siya sa neck ng gitara ko.

"P—puc—hhhahhh..." Hirap na hirap na siyang magsalita pero nagawa niya pa ring magmura. Pilit niyang itinulak palayo ang gitara kong nakadiin sa kanya. He's more muscular but I'm taller and definitely angrier, he's no match for me right now.

"Axel? Axel! What the hell are you doing!?" Agad kaming pinaghiwalay ni Kuya Leon at galit na galit kong inalis ang kamay niya sa balikat ko.

"Kuya! Why did you stop me?! I'm killing this good-for-nothing bastard!" galit kong sabi habang nakatingin sa kanilang dalawa.

The asshole is holding his chest while catching his breath. Kuya Leon is also eyeing us with a serious expression but I'm too mad to give a damn about what my brother thinks.

"Axel, what is this?" tanong sa akin ni Kuya Leon. "Seriously, you're both giving me headache. Ano na naman 'to?"

"This is about Addie," sagot ni Brent kay Kuya Leon pagkatapos niyang maka-recover sa ginawa ko.

"You guys are weirding me out with your complicated relationship after Addie left for New York. Parang mas gusto ko pa yata noong hindi niyo matagalan ang isa't isa," napailing na lang si Kuya Leon sa amin bago niya kinuha ang susi niya sa coffee table. "I'm going out for a jog. If you're going to kill each other, do it outside the condo," ang huli niyang sabi bago niya kami tinalikuran.

"Get out," mariin kong sabi nang bumaling ako kay Brent na ngayon ay nasa kusina na at umiinom ng tubig. "Get out!"

"You need me," nakangisi niyang sabi bago siya umupo sa couch. "You need my help."

"I don't," tanggi ko. Ibinato ko sa kanya ang bass guitar na hawak ko at nasalo niya 'yon pero tumama ang headstock sa noo niya.

"Tang ina. What was that for!?" inis niyang tanong sa akin pero nanatili siyang nakaupo habang nakahawak sa noo niya.

"Tang ina mo rin. That's nothing compared to the hurt that I've suffered because of giving in to your demands," sagot ko. "I shouldn't have done it, Brent. I shouldn't have given her up just like that."

"Well, it's too late for regrets now, Axel," seryoso niyang sabi pagkatapos niyang ibaba ang gitara ko sa tabi niya.

"I should've tried harder. Makikinig naman siguro siya noon kung sinabi kong handa akong maghintay sa kanya kahit pa iwan niya ako ng ilang taon. Makikinig naman siguro siya kung sinabi kong pwede naman akong sumunod sa New York," napayuko ako at tinignan ko ang bandage sa kamay kong nasugatan kagabi. "Ang daming paraan, Brent. 'Yong hindi kami masasaktan pareho. Hindi dapat ako nakinig sa'yo."

"You only did what's best for her that time. Maiintindihan niya rin ang lahat kapag nalaman niya ang totoo," sagot niya. "I'm trying my best to help, Axel. I'm trying to right my wrong doings this time."

"Well, if you are trying to help, then you're doing a very bad job at it," sarcastic akong ngumisi sa kanya at napailing. "You did not even inform me about Ethos. I was fucking clueless last night. Damn it!" duktong ko.

Inihampas ko ang nakakuyom kong kamao sa pader at itinaas niya ang magkabila niyang kamay para pakalmahin ako.

"Chill!" How can I calm the fuck down?! I've been bottling up these surges of emotions since last night, mula nang makita ko ulit si Addie pagkalipas ng tatlong taon. Calm is the last thing in my vocabulary right now. "Hindi ko alam 'yon, okay? I try to inform you with everything that concerns her for the past three years but I missed that part."

"How can you fucking miss that part, Brent?! That's the most important thing that I should know about her and yet you failed to inform me!?" hindi makapaniwalang balik ko sa kanya.

Mula nang umalis si Addie, nakasanayan na ni Brent na balitaan ako tungkol sa kapatid niya. Galit na galit pa ako sa kanya noon kaya ayokong tumanggap ng kahit anong tulong mula sa kanya. But, damn! This guy's persistent. I think he's guilty of what he did and that's his way of making up for his mistakes.

Eventually, I stopped getting mad at him and I decided to absorb every information that he's giving me about his sister. It's the only thing that's keeping me sane as I wait for her return. He also stopped being an asshole towards me and he became tolerable that's why we're sort of friends now.

Pero ano pang magagawa niya ngayon? Hindi na niya ako matutulungan kaya nagagalit na naman ako. Kung hindi siya nakiusap sa akin dati, hindi sana mangyayari sa amin 'to ni Addie.

"Ayaw niyang ipaalam sa akin, okay!? Ipinaalam niya sa parents namin, hindi sa akin. Ayaw niyang makialam ako." Halatang nauubos na rin ang pasensya niya pero kasalanan niya rin naman ang lahat ng ito kaya wala siyang magagawa. "Isa pa, ibinilin ko si Addie sa mga pinsan namin do'n. Pero ang gagong mga 'yon, wala ring sinabi sa akin. Nakalimutan kong madali silang magpadala sa kapatid ko. Favorite kasi nila si Addie."

"It doesn't matter now, Brent! Alam mo bang pinsan namin nina Kuya Leon si Ethos?" nakasimangot kong tanong at nanlaki ang mga mata niya. "See? This is a mess! Wala ka nang magagawa."

"I'll make her listen, Axel. I'll tell her everything. I'll own up to my mistakes," paninigurado niya pagkatapos niyang huminga nang malalim. "I gave you my word and I'm keeping that. I'll bring her back to you."

"Paano kung ayaw na niya?" seryoso kong tanong. "Hindi gano'n kadali 'yon, Brent. Baka nga hindi na ako gusto ng kapatid mo. Malamang hindi na. Sasagutin niya ba si Ethos kung gusto niya pa ako? Bullshit."

"I know, Addie. She'll eventually come to her senses and realize that she still likes you."

"What if she doesn't? Feelings are temporary. Nagbabago 'yon."

"Did your feelings for her change, then? It didn't, right?" tanong niya at agad siyang ngumiti nang hindi ako sumagot. "That's what I thought."

"Pero hindi 'to nangangahulugan na hindi nagbago 'yong kanya. Hindi mo ba naiintindihan? She hates my guts! Hindi nga ako pinansin kagabi!" Napahawak ako sa sentido ko at naupo sa stool sa harap ng bar counter. "And Ethos is not just some guy, Brent. He's my cousin, for fuck's sake! Alangan namang agawin ko si Addie sa kanya?"

"Why not?" nakangising sabi niya na para bang binigyan ko pa siya ng isang magandang ideya. "Do that. I'll help."

"Kupal," iiling-iling kong sabi. "He won her over, Brent. Fair and square. Wala siyang sinaktan kaya hindi ko 'yan gagawin. That's unfair."

"Hindi ka ba nasasaktan ngayon?"

"Tang ina mo talaga," sagot ko. "It doesn't matter now. If she's happy, I'll let her be."

"Win her back," seryoso niyang sabi. "If she still hates you, there's a chance that she's not yet over you. Because if she really wants to forget you, she should've forgiven you a long time ago. Kahit pa hindi mo 'yon hiningi sa kanya, she'll do that to finally set herself free. Kilala ko ang kapatid ko, Axel."

"You have a fucked up logic," sabi ko naman. "She hates me because I've hurt her before. Gano'n lang 'yon."

"No, I have a point here. Will you hear me out?" he stated and I just shrugged. "Hating someone is an emotional investment, man. And she only hates you because she's still affected by your presence. You see, you're triggering her emotions again that's not supposed to resurface anymore."

"What the hell, man? Saan galing 'yan?" natatawa kong sabi. "Umiyak na ba dapat ako?"

"Tanga! Iiyak ka talaga 'pag si Addie nawala na naman sa'yo," asar niya.

"I'm losing her, Brent. I'm losing her all over again," sagot ko nang muli kaming sumeryoso. "I want to fight for her this time but it's not that easy."

"Do I have to repeat myself?" sabi niya bago siya tumayo sa couch para lumapit sa akin. Tinapik niya ang balikat ko bago siya sumandal sa bar counter. "Win her back, Axel. You've already proven yourself when you decided to let her go. You've been selfless for her sake. I guess, it's now your time to be selfish," dagdag niya bago siya pumunta sa kusina para maghanap ng almusal.

Oh, damn. I hate it when this bastard has a point.