Determination [ COMPLETED ]

I dont wanna be here

| Chasity |

"Come on we have to get to The radio station, you have a live thingy today." Mom said. I got up and looked at my lip which was still healing, it has currently been a week.

We get to the place and set up and the Radio starts.

We are in a conversation when he asks about what happened. "I'd really rather not talk about that." I fakely smiled. "That's okay, we will continue this conversation after the break." The guys said.
I took off my head set and found my manager. "I can't do this, I need to go home." I started to cry. "What's wrong? What happened? Let's go find your mom, she is in your waiting room." My manager wrapped her arm around me and we walked to her. "Mom-I can't finish this I need to go home. I want to leave." I cried. "Chasity, you can't leave in the middle of a talk show." Mom protested. "Mom! I need to leave now!" I fought back. "Alright fine. Let's go tell Tyler." Mom said. "I got this, take her home and find out what's wrong. She cannot be sad for her photo shoot tomorrow." My manager said.

We got in the car and started home. "What happened back there?" Mom asked. "I don't know, I just want to lay down." I sniffled. We arrived home and I ran straight to my room. I went on my Instagram and looked at the crazy amount of hate I have been getting. Death threats, rude comments, that I'm fat, or a whore, but it was just terrible because of what happens the Freya. Rumors spiraled out of control. I laid on bed and cried. I looked at the wall and just cried. "Chas, tomorrow you have that red carpet event for that thing." Emmi said. "Okay whatever." I slurred. "Dinners ready, it's Pizza."

She left and closed the door. I went to my vanity and looked at my face. I looked at my bloodshot eyes, my red nose. "Ew, I'm hideous." I thought.

I walked out to the kitchen and I could feel the bags under my eyes. I looked like a truck hit me, I grabbed a slice of pizza and set it down at the table. I just stared at it while everyone talked.

"I'm done eating, can I be excused?" I asked rudely. "You haven't eaten a bite. Eat 3 bites and you can go back to your room." Dad said. "No thanks." I crossed my arms leaned back in the chair. "Excuse me? You sit there and don't move until you eat 3 bites." Dad said seriously. Then it got soft, "no, I can't." I said fighting back he tears. "Why is that?" Mom asked. I rolled my eyes and ate 3 bites "fine, there you go. Can I go now?" I rolled my eyes. I quickly ran to the basement and closed the door. I kneeled down and put my fingers down my throat. I felt the food come up. I flushed the toilet and then I needed to cut.

I did what I said I was never going to do, I sliced my wrist. The crimson blood dripped down, I smiled at the instant gratification. I cut 4 times, you could tell that I cut.

Then when the bleeding stopped I decided to go shopping. "'Mom, I'm going shopping. I have called Max." I said slamming the door. I got in the limo and Max sat next to me. "Who is this?" I asked Max, "this is another Body Guard Liam." Max said firmly. "Whatever." We arrived at the Mall and I got out and it took a couple of minutes before people realized it was me. "SLUT!" Someone yelled. I ignored them and went on, I walked to Pink. "You did all that for attention! That poor girl! She told us you did that all on purpose! You little whore! Your faker then fake!" Another Person yelled. I got many slurs I took a couple pictures. "Bitch! You deserved to be called a dog!"
"Max, take me home." I said fighting the tears. We got in the limo and drove home. The. I ignored the lecture from mom and dad and went to sleep.

( dirty dream so skip this if you don't like dirty requested)

"Ryan." I  breathed hard as my mouth collided with Ryan's. "Shh baby, I want you." He said sexually. Ryan removed my shirt and gasped. "Beautiful." I tugged his hair as I wanted more pleasure. He played with my boobs and I giggled. "I want you in me. Right now." I panted. He did as I told, he pulled down my pants and pulled down his, I looked at his huge bulge in his pants. He took it out and I rubbed his length and he moaned. He flipped me over and he spread my cheeks and pounded me.

( dream over )

I shot up sweating "oh my god." I put my head back down on the pillow and laughed. "I can't believe that just happened." I laughed. I looked at my phone and it read 6:35 am. When I started to feel cramps. "Aw shit, that's why I had that dream." I moaned. I went into the bathroom and found some pads and did my business. I went upstairs and got some water. When I saw the bathroom light on. "What?" I yawned confused. "Avia?" I yawned. "I'm bleeding!" She panicked.

"Look!"

I walked over to her and she pointed at her underwear. "Am I dying?" She freaked out. I let out a small giggle. "This isn't funny! Am I dying?" She asked. "No, no, your not dying." I laughed. "You have your period."
"My stomach is killing me!" She cried. "Wait hold on." I said reaching to the top cabinet. "Look, this is a pad. This will make it so the blood doesn't go everywhere. Okay?"

"Okay." I showed her how to put it on. "Let's go to mom and dads room because she has medication for the pain, she will talk to you about it more." I said putting my hand on her back guiding her to moms room.  "Why isn't there medication out here?" She asked. "Because mom and dad don't trust me. Which is smart." Is all I said. I knocked on the door on the verge of falling asleep. Dad opened the door "yes?" He yawned. "Avia needs mom. She got her period." I pushed her in there room and dad rolls his eyes. "Chasity, be nice, this is hard for your sister." Dad said.
Mom got up and picked Avia up and out her on her bed and left and went to sleep.