Make Me Wanna Die | leafyishere

"Once Upon A Time..."

Calvin and I didn't even watch the Star Wars movie. I just said things that I knew would make him "uncomfortable."

"I am seriously going to call you Daddy Calvin from now on" I laughed hard.

"Don't you fucking dare" he warned.

"D-d-daddy Cal-Calvin" my laughter grew louder, tears were forming in the corners of my eyes now.

"Please leave my house and never talk to me again" he said, clearly trying to hide his amusement, which made me snort. "I swear if this is you sober I have no idea how you will be wasted."

I wiped my eyes, "I have no idea why I found this so funny."

I looked at the time.

10:45.

"Okay Cal, time for bed" I said,

"Okay, mom" he smiled, getting up from the couch.

I rolled my eyes at him playfully and followed him into his bedroom. 

"Are you going to tell me a bedtime story?" A playful smirk appeared on his face. 

"Once Upon a Time there was a muffin with enormous cheeks. Everyone hated him, except for the occasional girls who either wanted to fuck him or try to set him up with his friends into gay relationships. But what none of these people knew was...that he was secretly a reptile. DUN DUN DUN" I started.

He looked at me, trying not to laugh.

"So one day he met this girl. She was fucking definition of shit. She was worse than Daniel Keem. They became really good friends and after begging, the muffin turned her into a reptile too. Together they tried to take over a world called YouTube, using their cancerous powers but the lifesaver PewDiePie killed them both. The End" 

By now Calvin was laughing. It was his signature laugh. Laugh. Wheeze. Cough. Repeat until Death is achieved. 

"East....what are you on....and where can I get it?"