Make Me Wanna Die | leafyishere

"Okay, East, Whats Up...?"

I couldn't get my thoughts about Calvin out of my head for the entire day. It caused be to be really distant. Like I wasn't even in the same universe as everyone else. And I could tell Cal noticed.

It would've been impossible for him not to notice though. I've been zoning out while doing anything around the house.

I would be cleaning, and id end up mopping the same spot for over 10 minutes. I could be scrolling through twitter and not pay attention to anything on my feed because all that was on my mind was Calvin.

Calvin. Calvin. Calvin.

It was 9:46 pm, and at the moment we were watching the first couple episodes of Wilfred. Calvin introduced me to this show. But no matter how funny and entertaining the first couple of episodes, that I was was actually able to focus on, were, cal was the only thing on my mind.

Since I've discovered my developing feelings this morning, I've started to pay more and more attention to cal. His movements. His tone. And even the changes of pitch in his voice when his mood changed.

"...don't you think so?" I heard him ask.

"What?"

"Okay, East, what's up? You've been so distant all day. Are you feeling okay?" He asked me as he turned to face me.

"Yeah, I've just been thinking a lot today. Don't worry about it" I said.

"Are you stressed out because you have to take care I me? Are you not having fun? Do you wish you didn't come here? Do you want to go home because I can pay for your tick-"

"CAL! It's nothing like that. I'm happy that I'm here, and I can tell you're doing so much better. You need someone to take care of you because you don't care about yourself enough to do it yourself. Really, don't worry about it. I should be back to normal tomorrow" I said, giving him a reassuring smile. He squeezed my knee slightly, sending shivers down my spine, and turned his attention back to the tv.

I need to stop. If I keep thinking about Cal like this neither of us is going to have fun. I'm only going to be here for two weeks, and acting so strangely is going to make Calvin regret spending this short amount of time with him.

I need to get my shit together and enjoy this time with him while it lasts.