Make Me Wanna Die | leafyishere

"Leaving Once Again...?"

The first thing I did when I got back home was repack. I was filled with excitement. I would be meeting Niall, or Pyrocynical as he's known on YouTube. Calvin showed me him, linking all his friends' videos for me to watch at the beginning of our friendship.

I was also excited to see Calvin. We've only been apart for a couple of days but hanging out with him makes me feel happier than being away from him. And spending some time in England together is going to be awesome.

"Leaving once again?" Laila asked, coming into my bedroom.

"Yeah, Calvin is taking me to go to England with him. I'm flying back to Utah to meet him and we're getting on a plane to Europe" I smiled.

"Lucky you, having your boyfriend buy you all this stuff"

My smile faded. She was right. Calvin paid for me while I was in Utah for the first time, and now he's paying for me to travel to a different continent.

"This isn't fair...I didn't even realize that Calvin was paying for all this stuff. Am I using him...?" I asked, burying my face in my hands. "I'm such a horrible girlfriend"

"No, no, no. East...I didn't mean it like that. If he thought of this situation like that he wouldn't even put that opportunity on the table. He just wants to spend time with you, and him being more successful is probably why he feels like he should pay" she reassured me, or at least attempted to.

"This is the last time I'm letting him do that for me. Next trip is on me"

She nodded and walked out of my room, leaving me to finish packing.

I still felt bad knowing that Calvin was spending so much money on me while I gave him nothing in return. Yeah, I might be his girlfriend but I'm not in it for the money, or the fame, or the privileges I might get. I'm with him because he's funny. Saying he's sweet would be a lie, but he tries. He's just an amazing person in my eyes and to be honest, I'm lucky to even be able to call that muffin my boyfriend.

I laid on my bed. The only thought that could actually get me away from these bad ones, as cliche as it sounds, was the thought of seeing him again. Spending time away from him was hell. Literal hell. 

I closed my eyes, attempting to fall asleep. It made me feel worse knowing that Cal was at home either working on a video or tossing and turning, hoping to finally be able to sleep.

I traced the empty side of the bed. Soon we'll both be able to catch some sleep, because sleeping in each other's arms made it not only easier, but made us both have the best sleep we ever came across.