Make Me Wanna Die | leafyishere

"Are You Jealous...?"

At 4 in the morning, Calvin and I started to get ready to drive to the airport. We brought our bags and set them down by the front door to have them ready when the cab comes.

Today was a pretty rainy, cold day so I decided to wear leggings and Cal's hoodie while he, like always, just put on whatever he found.

"I can't wait to meet Niall" I smiled wide. 

"And why is that?" Calvin asked, putting his sweatshirt over his head.

"I love his videos. Like sometimes I will sit in front of my laptop and refresh his YouTube channel until a new video pops up" I laughed at myself.

"Oh." he simply replied.

"Are you okay? What was that sudden change of mood?"

"Nothing. I just replied to you" he walked into the kitchen to get some breakfast.

I followed him, jumping on the island as he poured himself a bowl of cereal. He asked me if I wanted one too, to which I simply nodded, observing his actions.

He handed me the bowl and jumped up, sitting next to me.

"Cal?" I asked.

"Mhmh?"

"Are you jealous?"

"Of who?" he looked at me, "Niall?"

I nodded, taking a spoonful of the sugary cereal.

"I mean sorta...you seem so excited to see him, and I can't really tell that you reacted the same way before you met me" he started to dig into his bowl too.

"Are you kidding me? I was so fucking excited to finally see you in person! I ranted to Laila on the phone about that moment for hours until she finally hung up on me and didn't answer my calls until I calmed down"

A smile appeared on his chubby face, "Really?"

"Really, and anyways Niall isn't even close to being as cute as you. I have a thing for boys with chipmunk cheeks" 

(A/N: I wanted to rant a little bit about Calvin and how he's treating himself, if you don't really want to read this then skip. But like at times I'm getting so frustrated with him because I do the mistake of getting emotionally attached to people I watch and stuff. I've been talking with LeafyIsLief about this and I'm just mad at this point. I'm mad at Calvin because he doesn't want to help himself and I'm mad at a lot of his fans (obviously not all of them because there are fans who are literally begging him to go to sleep) for totally going around the issue. Calvin feels obligated to post every day and beats himself up for missing uploads so he usually stays up for DAYS so he can keep up with his schedule. I swear if I was 18 I would literally find where he lives and drive there, forcing my help onto him. I know that a lot of his sleeping problems are caused my insomnia, but as a person who also suffers from it, I can tell you that constantly consuming large amounts of caffeine is not helping his case. At this point he's not even trying. He's obviously getting frustrated about not being able to fall asleep and trying to distract himself by editing, but that is just making it worse. He's treating his body like shit and he just needs someone in his life that will be by his side and help him get through this. I've already said that I would put his emotional state before mine and if I had the chance I would act as his therapist, his mum, or anything that he needs because I'm sick and tired of seeing him (and obviously other people like Austin and Niall when they do that too) just fucking himself up. I knwo that this entire thing might seem cliche because he's just a guy who has no idea I exist but I seriously care about him so much and people like him are one of the reasons why I want to study psychology so I can help him (and others) to start putting themselves before others. 

Rant over, at least for now. )