Make Me Wanna Die | leafyishere

"Shut Up Easton. You Have Nothing To Complain About..."

I could barely catch any sleep. The thing about giving a shit about another person, and where you stand with them, can make your life a living hell.

I lay here and wonder if Cal honestly still wants to be with me. He's not putting in the effort that should be put into a relationship.

I'm not saying that he has to drop everything, his friends, his career, but he should at least show that he cares about me as much as I do about him.

Here I fucking go again. Acting like the poor little victim. Why do I have so much self pity for myself? I signed up for this.

But I didn't sign up for-

Shut up Easton. You have nothing to complain about. 

I let out a frustrated sigh and bring my pillow to my face. Maybe if I suffocate myself things won't be so complicated?

------

I woke up the next morning and frowned, knowing that I'm going to relive another excuse and worry about my failing relationship. 

I honestly hate myself right now. Do I really have that much of a low self esteem? Calvin goes a week without talking to me and I act like a pussy.

I pull out my phone and scroll through twitter.

@ leafyishere : looking forward to a fun weekend in Vegas with @ thehaleybaby and the guys

@ leafyishere : if you're ever looking for an awesome dude to smoke weed with, I know a guy

I let out a squeak. He's going to Vegas with Haley? I wasn't even aware that he was going there...

But more importantly, he's smoking again?

I knew he smoked at the beginning of our friendship but then cut down on it. I don't have anything against weed, I did smoke it once or twice in high school, but I never understood constantly smoking. 

I'm not saying Cal is going to become addicted, but I'm scared that he's going to get way too into it. I closed my phone and threw it next to me.

If he wants to take trips with other girls and do drugs, so be it. But I hope he knows...two can play at this game. 

(DISCLAIMER: i have no idea if Cal is going to Vegas with Haley bc everytime people ask her if she's going with him she's just like "we reschduled" so like idk

but if she is, then lit

She seems like an awesome person and if she wasn't like 10 years older than me I would totally be friends with her

Just thought I should add that lmao)