One True Bond (COMPLETE)

Kajol

Do I regret it? I don't know. Should I regret it? Still I don't know. But kissing Shah Rukh is like disappearing into another world where nobody judges you and you don't have any strings attached. So why do I feel so guilty? I pull away from Shah Rukh. I had promised myself in the five weeks I had been away from him that I wouldn't do this. I wouldn't drag up the past again. What Shah Rukh and I have going on is wrong, we are both married and both happy in our relationships. So why do I always feel incomplete around him? Why do I always fall into his arms? Why do I always fall in love with him again and again whenever I see him? I said to myself I wouldn't hurt him anymore. I had just miscarried our baby and I know that hurts him-I can see it in his eyes. He hasn't been able to mourn yet he's had to watch another man mourn for his baby. It's a mess. Torn between a rock and a hard place. Do I break it off with Shah Rukh and reduce the damage or do I continue with him because at the end of the tunnel there is some form of light?
"I'll go," Shah Rukh whispers removing his hands from my waist. I can't manage to remove my arms from his neck though. I don't want to remove my arms from his neck.
"Don't," I whisper back. I don't know why I bother, Shah Rukh pushes me away breaking my arms from around his neck.
"It's not fair," he says shaking his head, "just tell me you don't love me and I'll leave you alone."
"I can't," I sigh. I know this hurts him. We both know we should break this off, but for some reason we both can't. Shah Rukh turns away and leaves the trailer letting the door rattle against the door frame. I close my eyes. 'What am I doing?' I say to myself.
"Kajol?" I hear Karan's voice and open my eyes. He's standing in my trailer, a stack of papers in his arms.
"Hey," I smile stepping away from the wall and licking my lips. They taste of Shah Rukh.
"I thought I'd go through some scheduling with you," Karan puts the papers down on a table and spreads them out.
"Sure," I say walking over to the table.
"I'm not supposed to tell you this but Ajay is coming home for a week and has requested that you have time off," Karan begins, "so no one is filming next week then I'm going to England to start filming with Kareena and Hrithik for two days then you will come out and we'll do some filming for a couple of weeks."
"Hmmm sure," I try to sound enthusiastic-Ajay was coming back for a week. He couldn't even take a week off when I had a miscarriage but he can have a week off now! I decide to push that thought out of my head. I had to make an effort with Ajay, I need to forget Shah Rukh, I need to tell him I don't love him so we can both move on. A week apart with Ajay was bound to do it-wasn't it? Karan hugs me, collects his papers and leaves. I go back to the wall and put my back against it. Closing my eyes I let my body slip down the wall until I'm sat on the floor knees up arms around them. I sigh, I can do this...