One True Bond (COMPLETE)

Shah Rukh Khan

I can see it in her eyes, the guilt. It eats you away from the inside out until you can't take it any longer. It gets better, I should know I've experience the same thing. I watch from the doorway of the bathroom, Kajol's shoulders shudder with each son and I fight the urge to just jump in and hold her. I know exactly what she's thinking, 'I need to leave Shah Rukh but can't.' I felt exactly the same way a few months ago. I was lying in bed, Gauri's head on my chest and I felt like the worst person in the world. How could I cheat on somebody I love so much, but then I saw Kajol and I couldn't force the words out, couldn't tell her I didn't want to be with her anymore because that's a lie. I know she didn't want to stay last night, I know it was all a bit of a blur, I know that's why she's say fully clothed in the shower sobbing her heart out. We could just pack a bag and drive, where? I don't know but it'd be better than this. I know I could live happily with Kajol and maybe Gauri and Ajay would find other partners maybe even each other but saying it out loud would be stupid, arrogant, selfish. Right now Kajol's at her lowest, lower than the guilt in Egypt. This guilt ate you up and whispered in your head and was real, like a physical disease.
"Don't just stare at me," Kajol sobs and I'm drawn to her like a moth to a flame. I clamber into the shower and slide down the wall next to her wrapping my arms around her and pulling her head onto my shoulder.
"Damn cold shower," I laugh sheepishly as tears prick my own eyes. Kajol laughs and hiccups.
"There are other ways to warm up," Kajol attempts a flirt reminding me of what she said the first time we saw the apartment and with that I'm taken. I just want Kajol, need Kajol, have Kajol.
"Let's go," I whisper into her wet hair kissing the top of her ear.
"Where?" She lifts her head off my shoulder, even when she's been crying she looks beautiful.
"Anywhere," I shrug my eyes filled with desperation. I expect her to say no, to call me crazy, to bat me away and tell me I'm being insensitive not to kiss me with such passion it sucks all the breathe out of me and leaves me speechless.
"Okay," she mumbles getting up off the tiled floor and turning the shower off. I follow her lead and wrap my fingers around hers. We dry off, throw some clothes on and pack a duffle bag each. We lock the apartment not bothering to set the alarm and hurry down to my car. I throw the boot open and we shove our bags in before hastily getting into the car. I look at Kajol as she puts her seatbelt on.
"Are you sure about this?" It echoes another time a time when we felt alive not guilty.
"Sure sure," she looks back at me and smiles an empty smile. I turn the ignition on and back out of the parking space before just driving in complete and utter silence away from Mumbai, away from our partners, away from our past lives.

********************

We've stopped in a lay-by on some random road in the middle of nowhere. Kajol and I sit on the bonnet of my car, my arm around her waist her head resting on my shoulder watching the sun set. We have been driving for nearly a whole day. Suddenly Kajol slides off the bonnet and begins to shake. She mumbles to herself but I can't hear what she's saying. I slide off the bonnet and try to put my arm around her but she fights me off her face flushing with anger.
"NO!" She shouts and takes a step backwards before turning on her heels and running towards the car. She climbs into the drivers side and switches on the ignition putting the car in gear.
"Kajol?" My eyes widen, what the hell is she doing? "Get out the car." She ignores me, like a naughty child, reversing the car out if the lay-by before beginning to drive away. I run after her shouting her name. The car seems wobbly, it won't go in a straight line and I can tell Kajol's crying. The car gains speed but also a sense of no control. I spot a truck coming the other way down the road and feel powerless to do anything. The car goes straight for a few meters but suddenly it begins to swerve and then the brakes are forced on causing the wheels to screech and the back of the car to spin forward just as clunk the truck comes into contact with the rear end. It topples and spins like someone's kicking an empty can only this can isn't empty it's got Kajol in it. All I can do is stare like I'm watching an action movie. It spins in the air and rolls on the floor before landing on the roof next to the road, the truck screeches to a halt, sliding down the road. I feel like my legs are stuck in quick sand and I just want the floor to swallow me up but this is a time for action not fear. I race over to the car and spot Kajol dangling from the front seat like a rag doll. Blood pools at her hairline and falls in drops from her nose, she's unresponsive. The truck driver is behind me in seconds breathing down my neck.
"Just go," I shout at him. He looks at me in surprise.
"I can't go she's injured," he points to Kajol and I grab the collar of his jacket grinding my teeth.
"Piss off," I hiss before dropping him to the ground. He scrabbles away before getting up and running back to his truck and driving away in a plume of dust. I feel in my pocket for my mobile and dial the emergency number. The rest is a blur, the ambulance arriving, the police, the fire crew to cut her out. I'm placed in the ambulance next to her and she just looks so weird lying on a stretcher with drips coming out of her arms and paramedics rushing around trying to stabilise her. I just keep thinking 'it's all my fault it was my idea to leave.'