"Hi! I'm taking some pictures for our upcoming photo exhibit. Kanina pa kita pinapanood and I'd love to take some photos of you while you're reading that magazine. Is it okay if kuhanan kita ng pictures?" He asked.
I was at the library that time browsing some architectural magazines while waiting for Jia so we can start doing our plates for our major subject when a certain guy from the other table approached me and asked if he can take some pictures of me.
Moment of silence passed before I let him do so. It's kinda awkward for me but I managed not to let him know about it. And that's the very first time that we talked to each other.
"Bakit mag-isa ka lang? Where's Jia? You have a coffee date with her, 'di ba?" He asked after seeing me sitting alone on a bench near the field.
He's right. Jia and I planned a coffee date that afternoon but it was cancelled. Miguel's mom texted Jia and asked her if she can join her on some of her errands. It's fine with me, since that's Miguel's mom. Her future mother-in-law to be exact. And me, being her best friend, I understand that I have to share her with other people.
He then asked me if I wanna go with him to Satchmi and have some chitchat while drinking coffee. Since I don't have anything to do that day, I said yes, and I ended up spending the whole afternoon until dinner time with him.
"You know what, I like you a lot. I'm starting to love the feeling of always having you around. Can I court you, Jhoana?" He confessed.
It's exactly five months ago since that day at the library. We had dinner with some of our common friends and he insisted to take me home. He parked his car a few meters away from our house and we started walking. He held my hand like he used to do for the past months and started talking about how much he likes me and his plans of courting me.
For me, five months of getting-to-know each other was enough that's why I allowed him to court me.
"Really? Sinasagot mo na ako? Yes! Thank you so much, Jho. I love you." He said and hugged me right after.
We're at the museum busy roaming around. He's taking some pictures of those people who's checking some of the paintings hanging on the wall when I decided to hug him at the back and say that I love him too. I said three months of courting is enough for us to make 'us' official. Besides, relationship naman ang pinapatagal at hindi ang panliligaw.
That's probably one of the best days of my life.
Our relationship was once perfect. He made me feel butterflies in my stomach, made my heart beat faster when he walks near me. We cuddle together legs intertwined every time I stayed at her place for the night.
"Why are you wearing heels? It doesn't look good on you. And will you feel comfortable wearing that the whole time we're having dinner with my parents? Come on, Jho. You can just wear sneakers."
"What was that song? Hindi ko talaga ma-gets kung bakit gusto mo yung mga ganyang kanta. Yung playlist ko na lang yung i-play mo para naman hindi ako mainip sa pagmamaneho."
"I can't go with you. I have a lot of things to do. Call Jia. Sa kanya ka na lang magpasama."
"Hon, I'm sorry. I want to rest. Marami akong ginawa sa trabaho. Pagod ako."
Years had passed and things got rough for us. Everything started to change and I can't bear the fact that I'm starting to feel unloved.
No more butterflies. No more cuddling at night. No more good morning and good night messages. No more messages with confessions of love and care like we used to. No more sparks.
I was constantly ignored. I've been lied to. I've been disrespected. My feelings was intentionally hurt and abused by the person who swore to God loves me.
"Jho, a good partner can't stand seeing his woman hurt. He will be careful with his decisions and actions so he never has to be responsible for her pain." Ate Ella said while caressing my back.
"The problem with him is he just do whatever he wants to do and keep on forgetting that he should think about your feelings too." Jia added.
I remember sharing to Jia and Ate Ella, our office mate and college friend, every details of what's happening to us. How I cried myself while telling them every bits and pieces of changes that I'm noticing in our relationship. Every advices they gave to me. How they made me realized that I deserved more.
"Jhoana, please lang. Stop tolerating how he hurt you and realize that you deserve far more. You deserve the love you tried to give. You deserve to be loved fiercely because you know what you can bring to the table. Learn to love and put yourself first and keep on your mind that putting him first is teaching him that you come second. Let him go and focus on becoming a better version of yourself. Trust me, it will lead you to attract better people."
That was one of Jia's advice after I talked to her. That's the time that I caught him with another girl. Wala akong lakas para lapitan siya at komprontahin. I ended up going out of his condo unit and I found myself driving to Jia's house while crying.
"When did you stop caring?" He asked.
"When did you start noticing?" I replied.
It was one of the night that we're having our tea time during our stay at her parent's house on a Sunday. He started noticing that I wasn't the same Jhoana who used to ask him about everything.
I suddenly stopped caring.
"You've made your choice, and there's nothing I can do. I'd still be here for you if you need me." He said.
"Gano'n na lang ba talaga kadali 'yon? Five years. Five years ng relationship natin ang pinag-uusapan natin dito." I replied.
"But it's your decision to break up with me, Jho. I'm just doing you a favor lalo na at ito
naman ang gusto mo." He added.
"You know what, mukhang tama nga na itigil na natin 'to. I don't think you want me in your life anymore, and I have to find a way to live with that. And you said you'd still be there for me? No, thanks, 'cause I don't want to be a mere courtesy or a salve for your guilt. You won't hear from me again after today, and I don't want you to worry. I'll be okay. I have to be." I said before going out of his car.
It was never my intention to break up with him that night. I wasn't expecting that he'd let me go that easily. That he'd never put up a fight to keep me and make me stay. That it would be so easy for him to set me free.
It's been eight months since that break up and I'm still not over him. I miss him. I miss the old him. I miss the old him that cared about me. The old him that would treat me so well. The old him that would talk to me every day. The old him who always have me smiling. I miss the old him that made me happy. The old him that knew what to say at any given point in time. I miss the old us.
I think what hurts the most is when you give your all to someone. Through thick and thin you're there for them. You stick with them no matter what. Then one day, they just give up. They won't even fight for you. The one thing you would never have done, they did with no hesitation.
