Clashing Sun

[chapter 01]

The feeling in my heart I could describe as a puncture wound opening bigger and getting rotten with infection. it's only healing would come from his touch, his lips, his presences. I didn't care about friends. I didn't need them. they didn't want me either. I stuck to being the lonely and depressed person I am now. being stuck at home with Charlie is like crawling to the light and being knocked down. Charlie has about as much sympathy as a psychotic killer. absolutely none.

"I'll kill that kid you watch." those strong words didn't comfort me they just brought more pain to my already broken world. there was a slither of hope for me and that was Jake. The fun loving teenager was now turning into a mass hunk of man. his head shaved clean and his body the size of a weight lifter at sixteen. that's where I was going today, to Jake's. I loved how him and the other wolves acted. like brothers to each other. a family.

I stopped the car with a slight thud and got out. Charlie had encouraged me to go shopping and with enough pushing got me out of the house. I brought a flannel shirt that Alice would had killed me for wearing and some converse. all black ones.

Jake greeted me with one of his smiles. he wrapped an arm around me and I forgot how warm werewolves are.

"Do you get hot in the summer?"

"Doesn't everyone?"

I gave him a look and we both bursted with laughter.

"Not really."

"So what's todays plan?"

"We could go down by the ocean."

"Sound like fun."

Jake got on the motorcycle we built and took off. I held on tight to his waist and he laughed at my fear. I couldn't help but laugh at the kid who was once smaller and somewhat scrawnier.

He stopped at the beach and grabbed my hand. He smiled and tightened his grip as I tried to free myself.

"You miss him don't you?"

"Who?"

I knew who. everyone knew who.

"Yeah."

"Why? what's he done for you besides leave you in his dust. he probably has a girl in every city."

"I don't know. I love him."

Jake sat down on a branch, grabbed me by my waist and pulled me down with him.

"Love is not something someone does for you. it's something you find for yourself."

"Why not me?" it was a whisper and I could barely hear it.

"Jake..."

"Never mind." he quickly corrected.

"I didn't choose him Jake. my heart did."

"Well your heart's broken now so is there room for someone else." he hissed the words and I remembered the werewolves quick temperament.

He stood up. he turned his back to me and calmed down.

"I'm sorry Bella, but seeing you like this....."

"Like what?"

"A zombie. when he was here and before you loved him you were happy and smiling. now someone's lucky of they get a word out of you. Bella, if he loves you so much why did he leave?"

The million dollar question.