My Ghost Girlfriend

MGG 38

Worst nightmare

I wake up everyday with nothing to look forward to. Everything seems to be dulled and nothing interests me. Yes, I have friends and family--if you can call Dad as one---but I rather be alone. It's easy for me to make decisions for myself not minding whatever other people might think or feel. Hell, it's my life. I no longer have the capacity to have feelings. I feel no remorse even to those I supposedly love.

I thought I'll live and die meaningless but then something happened. A mysterious thing pulled me back, made me remember every kind of emotion and let me taste extraordinary happiness.

Nanginginig na lumapit ako at hinawakan ang kamay niya. Umuwang ang bibig ko. The softness of her skin, the tingling feeling every time I touch her, and the warmth that spreads inside my chest---This isn't a dream. It's her. The very mysterious thing who brought me back to life is now in front of me.

"A-Asha..." Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kamay niya at nanghihinang napaluhod. And for the second time, after she left me, I cried. I cried for the love of my life who is unconsciously laying in bed because of my goddamn recklessness. "I d-didn't know. Believe me, I didn't know. I'm sorry."

Tinitigan ko ang namumulatlang mukha niya. A tear escaped again and again. God, why does it need to be her? Parusa na ba 'to sa lahat ng kagaguhang ginawa ko? Mariin akong napapikit at hinalikan ang kamay niya. Walng ibang dapat sisihin kung hindi ako. This is all my fucking fault! Ako dapat ang nandito at hindi siya!

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, baby." I kept on chanting. Nasaktan siya, nawalan ng memorya, naligaw ng mag isa and it breaks my heart to know that it was all because of me. Damn it. Reality hit me hard. It was all because of me.

"Sir, may I know your name and your relation to my patient?"

I don't have the strength to speak to anyone. I just can't.

"Sir--" Naputol ang sinasabi niya nang marinig ko ang boses ni Dame.

"Excuse me. Dr. Ramirez is urgently asking for you in the operating room."

"What? Why? I can't leave my patient here alone with a man I barely know."

"Let me handle this. One wrong move from that man, I'll shoot him."

"But--" May pag aalinlangan sa boses nito na agad pinutol ulit ni Dame.

"Someone needs to be saved and you're running out of time."

"Are you sure you're a security guard, Mister..."

"Ybarra."

"Mr. Ybarra, why aren't you calling me ma'am? Not that I want to dahil alam ko naman na pantay pantay ang pagkagawa sa atin ng Diyos pero hindi ba't respeto mo na sana sakin?"

"Okay... Ma'am."

I heard her sigh before leaving the room. Sumunod na nawala ang presensya ni Dame. Silence filled the room at tanging ingay lang mula sa heart monitor ang naririnig.

Muli ko siyang tinignan at maharang inayos ang buhok na tumatabing sa mukha niya. "I don't deserve to hold or to even look at you but I can't let you go. Please wake up and let me make it up to you. Alilain mo ako, saktan mo rin ako, pahirapan hanggang sa gusto mo but p-please..." My throat went dry at the words I was about to say. "...don't hate me."