My Ghost Girlfriend

Special Chapter

Baby, ready?

NAPAPIKIT ako ng mga mata. Pilit na pinapakalma ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko. I swear my heart's practically jumping in my rib cage.

Have you ever experience noticing the simple things? How you could feel the wind swirling around your head for a matter of seconds? How the atmosphere changes from heaviness to feather-like lightness? How you could smell the fragrance of hyacinths and peonies even in a crowd? How beads of sweat form on your forehead just by hearing yourself breathing?

Fuck. Mababaliw na ako. My senses are hypersensitive that I could almost feel everything kahit ang pagtaas ng balahibo ko.

Then suddenly I heard the door opened.

I sucked my breath as I opened my eyes. The wind, the crowd, the flowers, all thoughts were forgotten pero mas lalo lang tumambol ang dibdib ko.

Standing 10 meters away from me is my future.

I thought I just died and went to heaven. Even with a veil covering her face, I could see her happily smiling at me.

I didn't know when it happened or how it started but suddenly my eyes were clouded by tears. Damn. Gusto ko na siyang takbuhin pero sa hindi malamang dahilan ay hindi ko maigalaw ang mga paa ko. Double damn.

The future was never clear and things aren't always what they seem. I never thought of anything like this. I was prepared to live alone for the rest of my days. I never dreamed of happy endings because I don't even know what dreams are for.

Until I met her.

When I first saw her, I was irritated. "When will I ever get peace?", I asked myself. She got under my skin in a way I couldn't quite explain.  Hanggang sa isang araw, nang makita ko siyang hawak ang holy water sa likod ng simbahan, pakiramdam ko binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig. My mind went wild. And at that time, I realized, it's not because of her that I felt irritated, but because, in an instant, I knew that my plans of being alone turned into something more. Gusto ko pa ring mapag isa pero sana ay kasama na siya.

Hell, I'm doomed.

When she started walking down the aisle, hindi ko na napigilan ang ngiting kanina pa gustong kumawala sa mga labi ko. If peace means not having her around, then I would gladly embrace destruction.

She became my definition of dream.

They say if you pay more and more focus to your dreams, you'll be able to make your dreams come true.

Nanginginig na inabot ko ang kamay niya.

"Is she worth the hard work, Iho?" Bungad sakin ni Tito Fred nang ibigay niya ang kamay ng anak.

Pinakatitigan ko ang mga mata ng babaeng nasa harap ko. Parang may kung anong dumaloy na kuryente sa loob ko nang bigyan niya ako ng isang matamis na ngiti.

The intensity of what I felt yesterday was nothing to what I feel today. Para bang sa bawat minutong lumilipas ay lumalalim ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya. I honestly didn't know that a person could feel so incredibly happy... and horribly miserable.

She kissed me to heaven and brought me to hell at the same time. Everytime I see her, I can't help myself from thinking of the perfect future with her and our children, but as I hold her hand, memories of losing her in the past keep on coming back. It's horribly disastrous that I could feel myself physically sick. But even with all the possibilities, I still couldn't want anything else.